


Options

by Totally_Legit



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, Anal Fixation?, Angst, Canon Compliant, Filth, M/M, Porn, Porn With Plot, Smut, fwb if you squint, it's really just that, romance eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:15:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28639878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totally_Legit/pseuds/Totally_Legit
Summary: Youngjae can't bring his sex toys on tour. Lucky for him, Jaebum always carries one in his pants.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Comments: 95
Kudos: 118





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's tagged as canon compliant, but... there is no specific time this takes place in, nor relates to any real world events or timelines, so... Let's say it's an AU with GOT7, but in a world where everything is fine and normal. And we all need that now.
> 
> This first chapter is from September... ... ... 2019. So the fic has been sitting for a while with an update here or there, sorry if the tone/writing style ever shifts.  
> Thanks Ju for bringing me back. I need a push sometimes.
> 
> Youngjae is equally naughty and innocent in this fic. He's so oblivious and I love him.
> 
> TL;DR: Old fic, new motivation, intact Ahgase-World

„Ugh Youngjae! What have you done again?“ Jaebum scolds as he approaches him, reaching his arm out to grab his face. Youngjae attempts to turn away, but Jaebum grips him by the jaw, tilting his head up and stepping in to take a closer look. Youngjae grumbles, reaching up to press the pads of his fingers against his lips. It burns slightly. “Gosh, how do you always do that?” Jaebum complains, staring down at his mouth with narrowed eyes, nudging his face left and right to assess the damage. Youngjae pulls out of his grasp with an annoyed grunt.

Jaebum sighs. “Wait here.” He orders. “I’ll get some ointment. You need to put something on that.” He babbles over his shoulder while he walks away. Youngjae stands stupidly and waits. It’s not his fault. He darts his tongue out to slide it along his torn up bottom lip, hissing over the pain. It’s not his fault, he thinks, upset. It’s not like he’s doing it on purpose. His lips are sensitive and they bruise easily. Jaebum has chastised him one too many times for that.

And he doesn’t seem to plan on stopping all too soon, Youngjae bitterly realizes when he comes back with the ointment in hand. He sits him down on a chair and leans over him, squeezing ointment on his middle finger. “You know how that looks on camera, Youngjae-ah.” He speaks softly, but it’s still very obviously a scolding. “How do you always get your lips  _that_ chapped, huh?” The cool paste feels nice on Youngjae’s sore lips when Jaebum carefully applies it, smoothing it along the curve of his mouth gently, having his eyes fall shut along a heavy breath. He hears Jaebum sigh, feels his warm breath ghost over his face.

Only when Jaebum’s finger is gone and he hears the cap being closed, Youngjae opens his eyes back up. He finds Jaebum’s face below him and looks down. He squatted down in front of him and proceeds to place his arms on his knees. His face is worried. “Youngjae-ah.” He says soothingly. “Do you bite your lips open on purpose?” Clenching his teeth together Youngjae shakes his head. Jaebum pats his thigh with a sad look and nods. “Okay.”

He doesn’t, he thinks when Jaebum has already walked away. He bites down on the inside of his cheek so that he doesn’t chew on his freshly cared for lips again. He doesn’t do it on purpose and he can’t help it. It’s not his fault. The thing Youngjae really has a problem with is, he doesn’t exactly know what qualifies as a kink.

No, hear me out there. Now, if a woman and man like to have sex including vaginal penetration, that’s not a kink, right? That’s what one would consider ‘vanilla’. But what if she likes it in the butt instead? Is that a kink already? Some may say yes, some may say no, because it doesn’t derive from ‘normal’ all too much. If a straight man however likes it in the butt, that does qualify as a kink, doesn’t it? Because it’s uncommon enough, isn’t it?

Now, Youngjae isn’t a straight man. He’s very much a gay man. So if _he_ likes it in the butt, is that a kink? Anal sex for gay guys is almost the norm, so it wouldn’t qualify, would it? But what if, just hypothetically, Youngjae  _really_ liked it in the butt? Does it become a kink, not because the practice itself is uncommon, but rather just how much he likes it? Youngjae isn’t sure if that’s ‘normal’. He doesn’t have any reference to work with.

And if, just if it does qualify as a kink, based on how extraordinarily into it he is… At what point exactly does a kink become a fetish? Youngjae read once, with goosebumps all over his body that a kink is something that enhances sexual pleasure, whereas a fetish is something that one requires to, to say it blunt, get off. So if Youngjae, hypothetically, needed anal penetration in order to feel sexually satisfied, is that a fetish yet? In Youngjae’s mind fetishes are things like spanking or stockings. But at some point, over the course of years as he slowly developed, he began wondering if it’s still normal to not feel fulfilled without… well… butt stuff.

So Youngjae may or may not have a fetish. He may or may not have a kink. It wouldn’t matter much, he sometimes thinks longingly, if he weren’t in the position he is in. In fact, most of the time it  _doesn’t_ matter much. Because as much as he likes it in the butt, he has the advantage over most of his peers that it doesn’t necessarily have to involve another human. Youngjae really doesn’t mind. He’s fine by himself, he’s learned his own body so well, he can give himself the utmost pleasure easily. Unlike other idols, even other members, he doesn’t grow unsatisfied with masturbation to the point where he has to be secretly dating and fear to be caught.

Youngjae had a reason to move out of the dorm before everyone else. Allow himself the privacy he requires to treat himself. Quick and dirty jerk-off sessions aren’t his thing, never have been. Once he had the quiet and boundary of his own home, he could really let loose. He doesn’t exactly remember how everything came to be. He remembers that he secretly and discreetly shopped a dildo off the internet when he discovered that he may not be straight and wondered what gay sex was like. It took a few attempts, he does remember that. The first few tries feeling weird, even hurting. But he kept on trying, somehow intrigued. Then he had his first anal orgasm and he was done for. He didn’t know it back then, probably, but it just gradually grew from there and he kept stumbling forwards, further and further.

Youngjae always finds the time to pleasure himself. Takes portions out of his day that would otherwise be wasted with TV or Social Media. He accumulated an abundance of toys over time. Small ones and thick ones, dildos, plugs and vibrators. And he never gets bored of it either. Never unsatisfied with all the options that he has.

Sometimes he‘s doing it very basic. He fingers himself first, opens himself up and then adds a toy to push inside him. Sometimes he abandons the foreplay if he feels like it. Lathers one of his dildos in a thick coat of lube and sits on his knees, sinking down on the toy and stuffing himself full. Then he rides it slowly while he grows hard. Sometimes, when he‘s feeling kinky, he puts a small vibrator inside, one of those with a string that settles nicely in his body and challenges himself to do something else for a while. Watch a drama or surf the net or even work. It usually ends up with him naked on his bed, flat on his stomach and humping the mattress while the vibrations do magic to his body. Sometimes, when he‘s extra needy he goes as far as not shoving one toy in his hole, but two at the same time. He starts out with a thinner vibrator and then he switches it out for a thicker one and then, when he’s still not satisfied, he pushes the first one back inside, along the other. It really hurts, if he’s honest, but he rubs his stiff cock and as the pleasure takes over it drowns out the pain until it’s nothing but an arousing itch that he can’t get enough of. Sometimes he likes to challenge himself. Then, when he came all over himself and is satisfied and exhausted, he just leaves the vibrator where it is even if it is uncomfortable for a while, his hole and insides overly sensitive to the vibration, he leaves it there as long as he can. He doesn’t know if he has a logical reason to do that. He just enjoys it.

It makes him happy and he thinks that’s what’s important. And because he’s doing it by himself, in his place, nobody needs to know about it anyways. But that’s the situation when he’s  _home_ . And that’s also where we must return to the pressing matter of why it’s a burden to be so severely into butt stuff when you’re famous. Because he’s not always home.

Youngjae is, after all, still an idol. He has work to do and places to be and he’s constantly in the public eye. And that’s where things get complicated. Because sometimes, as an idol, you’ll go on tour. There are many reasons, actually, as to why you don’t return home at the end of the day and if it’s a couple of days that’s fine. But sometimes it’s a lot of days. Sometimes Youngjae doesn’t get home for weeks, traveling the world, being here and there, which is great, overall. But then Youngjae doesn’t have the privacy of his home and he doesn’t have Youngjae-time and he doesn’t have his toys.

He’s not stupid. He won’t ever risk packing a dildo into his suitcase. There are so many possibilities as to how he could get found out. Someone could stumble across it. Someone could steal his luggage or it could get lost. Someone could go through his things for any reason whatsoever. He can’t travel with sex-toys. No, he doesn’t take any when he’s away from home and that, to come around finally, is the source of all his troubles.

Quick jerk-off sessions in the bathroom used to be the norm when seven teenage boys lived on top of each other. Youngjae has never been a fan of that, but now, after all this time, he has literally unlearned to do that at all. They all know what their roommate is doing when he’s in the shower for a suspiciously long time. You get a single room when you’re lucky, or you’re sharing with someone who has the decency to just leave for a while. But even then it’s not that much better for Youngjae. Because his body just forgot how it works.

So when the dry spell is too long and he gets horny, he finds himself in the shower, with Jackson just outside the door and tries, really tries to get off. And he just can’t. Youngjae tried fingering himself to make it better, it used to work back in the days, but now it’s like his body is asking him ‘Seriously? What’s that? Give me something real!’ and Youngjae can’t. It leaves him frustrated and needy and horny.

Then, in his attempts to keep in the groans of frustration and the even more futile attempt to feel the pleasure he so desperately needs, his teeth dig into his bottom lip over and over again, while he jerks himself and chews his lips raw.

  
  


And there he is, halfway through the tour and exhaustedly, unenthusiastically trotting after Jaebum, his roommate for the night, pulling his suitcase after him. He focused hard on not biting his lips open again and they healed fine in the past two days, especially with Jaebum insisting on treating them regularly. He is right, Youngjae knows that, it does look awful on camera, especially because it can’t be covered up without getting sore or inflamed. But it’s hard and he seriously doesn’t know how he’s supposed to go about for the rest of their time oversees. It’s too long.

Youngjae throws himself on one of the beds when they finally reach their room and just lie there, face buried into a pillow. “Tired?” Jaebum asks and slaps his butt casually as he walks by. Youngjae grumbles. “I gotta call my parents.” Jaebum keeps talking “you wanna shower first?” Youngjae gives a half-hearted nod. If he’s honest he doesn’t want to shower at all, but when he steps under the hot stream, he thinks, he can just as well give it another try.

He’s leaning his forehead against the tiled wall, huffing in frustration. His right hand between his cheeks and his left curled around his length his eyes fall shut in an attempt to focus on the feeling against his rim as he digs his fingers inside. Sore and exhausted he surrenders after a while. He can’t block the bathroom forever. He’s not sure how long it really was, but he finishes the normal rest of his shower and steps outside.

Jaebum sitting on his bed and still on the phone turns his head around to him with a smile. Then his face twists in shock. “Youngjae!” He yells and Youngjae startles, makes half a jump backwards. “Sorry mum, I’ll call again tomorrow.” Jaebum hastily excuses and hangs up, throwing his phone down on the bed and jumping to his feet to come towards him. Youngjae blinks. “Youngjae WHY!” Jaebum cries out and grabs him by the naked arms, staring into his face. Youngjae casts his eyes down when it dawns on him and he flickers his tongue out to lick timidly along his bottom lip. Completely destroyed.

“Sit.” Jaebum orders, voice tight and collected. He sits. On the edge of the bed. In his fresh underpants with water dripping from his hair and running down his back. There he waits for Jaebum to dig out his magical ointment from his bag, which doesn’t take long because he has it on hand at all times. Youngjae makes a sullen face while Jaebum repeats what he’s done so many times now. Holding his face still in his left hand while applying the creamy substance to his chewed up bottom lip, expression focused, but huffing in irritation.

It’s when he’s done and Youngjae tries hard not to lick it off that Jaebum settles on the bed next to him. “Youngjae.” He begins gently. “I thought you did that in your sleep maybe… How can you bite your lips open without noticing? In the shower?” Youngjae crosses his arms in defense. “What do you want me to say?” He asks sulking. “I’m doing it unconsciously.”

“And that worries me!” Jaebum chimes in with his voice raised. “There must be a reason for that!” Youngjae is fed up with Jaebum bugging him, really. With him being nosy and getting into his business. “Why do you CARE?” Youngjae never yells, but he can get louder, too, staring at Jaebum with narrowed eyes. His mouth drops open, eyes wide as he stares back. “Because…” He stammers. “… because I’m worried.”

Youngjae deflates immediately. Ugh. Jaebum and his caring personality. “Youngjae, please.” He says, reaches out and holds him by the arm. “You’re not unconsciously hurting yourself for no reason. If it is something… I don’t know. Stress. Or anxiety. Please talk to me, I want to help you.” Youngjae can’t keep looking at him. Shame ripples through his system, cold and harsh. He worries Jaebum. With his stupid kink. With something so dumb. “I’m fine.” He mumbles, knowing that Jaebum won’t believe him. “Don’t worry. It’s nothing, Hyung.” He tries to make his voice sound firm, but it’s small. The look of disappointment his hard to bear. “Please…” He adds, not knowing exactly what he’s pleading for.

It's quiet for a while. Then Jaebum tries again. “You can talk to me Youngjae. About anything. I won’t judge you.” Youngjae takes a long, shaky breath, resolve crumbling. “I can’t.” He whispers. “I’m sorry. I’ll try… I’m okay…” “Oh Youngjae…” Jaebum makes and scoots in. Then his toned arms wrap around his shoulders and pull him into an awkward sideways hug. It’s not good. Youngjae shudders under his touch, warm flesh against his own heated skin. His failed attempt at jerking off has left him sensitive and horny and the closeness is too much. Jaebum’s warm breath against the back of his neck has a shiver run down his spine. This is not good. His instincts tell him to indulge, his brain tells him to fight free. His heart lets him know that if he rejects he will make Jaebum sad, make him worry more. He screws his eyes shut and levels his breathing, long, quiet breaths to calm his racing heartbeat. He thinks he will manage, but Jaebum just won’t let go.

His skin is prickling, burning where Jaebum touches, every fiber of his body is screaming for release. Unconsciously he’s shifting, straining against the hold. “No.” Jaebum murmurs against his ear, the vibrations of his voice chasing sizzling electricity over his skin as his hold tightens. “Let me pretend I’m helping you.” Breath catches in Youngjae’s throat, he feels suffocating. This is not good, it’s not right, but the frustration of weeks without relieving himself is bubbling scorching hot in his depths and he needs it. He needs.

His imagination runs wild, even as he tries to contain it. It’s not like he never thought about it, but never like this. Never this full of desire. He wonders sometimes how it would feel if there was another person. Someone to give him what he needs, so that he won’t have to do it himself. Wonders if it would feel more intense. It could be Jaebum. It could be anyone, it doesn’t matter, normally it doesn’t matter. But now, now Jaebum is here and he’s close and he’s warm and Youngjae is aching to be filled. He starts shaking in Jaebum’s grip, his head feels dizzy. It was never supposed to be like this, he managed to keep it to himself for so long, even when he figured out he’s into guys, he kept it out of the group, away from his friends. It’s just him and himself.

And it could stay like that if he wasn’t this much of a pervert, if he wasn’t this disgustingly horny. If he stopped wondering IF, maybe, Jaebum could help him after all. Jaebum, whose breath goes heavier against his neck, wet puffs of air caressing his skin and making it tingle. One of his hands, previously wrapped around his biceps slips away and slides down his naked back, leaving goosebumps in its trail. Then Jaebum whispers, absently, as if he’s unaware that he’s talking. “You smell so good…”

Youngjae chokes out a crooked, breathless cry in complete shock when a flash of arousal rushes through his veins between his legs. He wasn’t prepared for that and apparently Jaebum wasn’t either. He jumps back, releasing him from his strangle-hug as if he burned himself, which he may have with how scorching Youngjae’s skin feels.

He scrambles to his feet, hastily excusing himself. “Uhm, I’ll shower now. Okay. I’ll… Can I use your shampoo, it smells really nice.” He swirls around on his heels without waiting for an answer and Youngjae watches his back retreat to the bathroom, completely dumbfounded. What just happened? He sits and stares at the door that Jaebum has thrown shut more forceful than necessary. The dampness on his back suddenly feels cold now. He looks around for his towel, realizing that he left it in the bathroom.

Slowly he rises to his feet and tapers over to the bathroom. He listens closely, but the shower isn’t on yet, so he feels safe to carefully grab the handle and push the door open. “Hyung, I didn’t bring my…” He stops dead in his tracks, voice catching in his throat and dying. Jaebum freezes when he enters. He’s standing stark naked in between his scattered clothes messily lying on the floor, deer caught in headlights expressioned, arms in mid-air. And it’s not like Youngjae has never seen him naked, he has, but never like this.

He can’t help it. His eyes are drawn downwards to the mid of his body, where his proudly erected cock sits heavily between his legs. And what a gorgeous cock it is. Youngjae’s skin bursts back into flames, a hot shudder running down all the way to his toes on the cold tiles. He has never actually seen one this up close, not in real life at least, save his own. Not in this state. It’s so big. It’s thick and hard and standing straight up and Youngjae thinks of his toys. He has one that is ‘realistic’, with a slight curve and veins and a slit at the tip and he likes that one, but boy, it doesn’t come close. And yet, knowing all the things he has done with that specific toy that he kept, even when the vibration function broke, he can’t help but think of everything he could do with the real deal.

Except, Youngjae forgot for a moment, while he stood there and gaped like a fucking pervert, that the ‘toy’ is attached to a real person. And not any person, but Jaebum. Who squeaks in terror and clasps his hands over his obnoxious hard-on in an attempt to cover up. It fails, so he spins around until all Youngjae can see anymore is his nude back. “Youngjae, what the fuck!” He yelps breathily, peeking back over his shoulder. Youngjae blinks, but the picture is burned into his eyelids and he can’t make it go away. He swallows harshly because his throat feels dry. What throws him back into reality is the bitter taste when he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, biting down on it and feeling it burn.

It’s normal, he thinks when he finally tears his gaze away and up to Jaebum’s face. They all jerk off in the bathroom, though Jaebum has only been in there for a minute or less and he wasn’t even under the shower yet... “Uhm… towel…” He mutters confused, but he doesn’t move to grab it. Jaebum’s shocked-angry glare fades slowly while they stare at each other. “I’m sorry.” Jaebum finally mutters. “I just…” He straightens in a hitch. “I guess I need to get laid haha.” It’s not a real laugh, Youngjae isn’t stupid. “It’s just, on tour there’s no time for stuff like that, so… uh… it comes out randomly.” Is Jaebum stuttering? Youngjae slowly nods. They stare. “Leave now?” Jaebum eventually says. Firmly.

Finally Youngjae turns away, towel long forgotten, brain working overtime. There’s something, an idea, something half-formulated, but he can’t grasp it yet. He reverses mid-turn and looks at Jaebum again, who was about to relax and tenses up anew, shoulders stiffening. “You want to…” Youngjae asks slowly. “… have sex?” Jaebum gawks back at him as if he lost his mind. “What?” Frowning Youngjae repeats himself, urgently. “You said you can’t get laid, because we’re on tour, but you want to?” “I don’t know what you… Youngjae what the hell…” Jaebum stammers confused. “Have sex? Like, can you please?” He motions around with his hands and it looks weird with the way he still has his back turned, hiding his private parts.

“Right.” Youngjae latches onto the words like a maniac. “If you can’t have any other way right now, I mean I don’t know what you like, but…” He speaks forcefully. “Would it involve putting your penis in them?” Jaebum squeaks and sputters, almost falling over even though he was standing still. He’s shaking and breaks out into a coughing fit. Youngjae finds that a bit overdramatic. “Has nobody had ‘The Talk’ with you?” Jaebum doesn’t bother anymore to look over his shoulder, face directed onto the tiled wall. “That could obviously be involved, okay.” Youngjae nods, even though he can’t see that. “Yeah, okay.” He says. Finally the gears in his brain come to a halt, idea-formation complete. It’s not a good idea, he’s somewhat sure of that, but it seems right in this very moment. It seems like it’s his only option.

“If you wouldn’t mind, Hyung.” He says determined. “You should put it in me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the first chapter was really more like a teaser, I figured let's have the real meal.

The silence is deafening. Instead of yelping, shouting or shaking Jaebum stays completely still. Anxiously Youngjae takes a step forward. Was he out of line? Probably. But now that the idea crossed his mind it’s hard to not think about it. How could he never before? Of course he’d always been aware of the fact that sex was theoretically an option. But he never needed it. He never needs it when he has his toy drawer. He doesn’t now. So even though he never found it particularly necessary to get involved with another person, now it seems a viable option.

“Hyung?” He asks, walking close enough that he can reach out and touch him. His fingers graze the back of Jaebum’s shoulder and he flinches away. Something inside him shatters. He ruined it, didn’t he? He and his stupid _needs_. His sick fetish that makes him a burden. “You don’t have to.” He retreats. “If you don’t want to, that’s okay.” It’s not. “Sorry.” He finishes and just as that word leaves his lips Jaebum spins around. Youngjae doesn’t know what his face says, because he doesn’t look there. He glances down to where Jaebum is still half-hard.

Until Jaebum’s hand comes in between them and he places it under his chin, tilting his head up. “Why?” He asks, expression plain. “Just…” Youngjae mutters disheartened. It  _was_ a stupid idea. He’s stupid. “Because I kinda want it and… I thought if you didn’t mind that…” He shrugs. “That would be neat.” Jaebum huffs. “To have sex with you?” He asks incredulously. Youngjae shrugs again. But he can’t manage to give his voice the same façade of indifference. “No. Not… sex. More like, uh… A favor? Just in case you don’t mind putting your dick in people’s body, I would…” He trails off and watches Jaebum’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallows hard. Then he repeats himself, darkly. “Why?” It has Youngjae frown, because he thought he just answered that. “Because.” He huffs, maybe a little whiny. Can’t Jaebum just say yes or no? “Why me?” He pushes and Youngjae frowns. “How many other people with a boner do you see around here?” He grits his teeth in frustration. “If you don’t want to, just say it, but if you’d be okay with it… I…” he trails off.

Jaebum releases his chin and brings some distance between them. “I feel a little weird about this Youngjae-ah.” He says and instead of grossed out or angry he sounds somewhat sad, completely catching him off-guard. Just how many ways to worry Jaebum can he find that all date back to his dumb fetish? He should just hate himself. “Whatever it is that suddenly came over you… I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Youngjae bites back the yell of frustration that bubbles up in his throat and nods mechanically. “Right.” He forces out. “Sure.” Then he retreats backwards to the door and flees the bathroom.

He curls up in his bed while the shower is running in the bathroom and even though he tries hard to focus on closing his eyes and willing sleep, he can’t help but imagine how Jaebum is jerking off under the stream of water right now, well-built hand wrapped tightly around the gorgeous piece of meat between his legs. He feels his dissatisfied cock stir angrily and squeezes his eyes tighter, ignoring the ache.

When Jaebum emerges the bathroom after an eternity, he feigns sleep. He rustles around the room, doing this and that and eventually shuts off the light, darkness laying heavily over Youngjae’s closed lids. He expects Jaebum to climb into his own bed and go to sleep, but a moment later Youngjae feels his mattress dip and a gentle weight on his arms where Jaebum settles his hand over the blanket.

“Whatever it really is that bothers you, Youngjae-ah, you know you can tell me.” He speaks so softly into the dark room without hesitation, not even believing for a second that Youngjae isn’t awake. His heart contracts in pain and affection, distracting him momentarily from his smoldering arousal. “What happens in the dark, stays in the dark.” Jaebum’s voice is a mere whisper, so comfortingly familiar that Youngjae’s eyes open involuntarily, finding but greyish outlines and shadows.

It has been a long time. When they had just recently met each other and Youngjae was new and insecure and inexperienced he had a hard time opening up and talking to his Hyungs freely. Jaebum noticed too soon that he was carrying around worries that he didn’t feel like he could tell anyone around him. So he’d shut off the lights and they’d sat together in the middle of the night, the darkness like a security blanket around Youngjae and a faux sense of anonymity and protection. And only then had he been able to spill his deepest thoughts and fears and needs.

And that’s where they’d stayed. Once the sun came up, Jaebum never mentioned anything of what Youngjae had confided to the night, even when he used it to his advantage and confessed in the dark that he’d been the one to have accidentally shredded Jaebum’s favorite pair of sweatpants, no repercussions followed to it.

And bit by bit, Youngjae’s anxiety loosened and when he was comfortable enough to speak about his feelings with the lights on and face to face, their late night sessions stopped. And now they’re here, night enshrouding them with comfort and secrecy and Jaebum is willing to listen.

The truth is sitting sourly on his tongue while neither of them moves, makes no sound, just quiet breaths and a humming from some electric gadget somewhere in the room. The desire to come clear is almost overwhelming, but Youngjae doesn’t know where to start, doesn’t know how much to reveal.

“I…” He croaks so quiet it wouldn’t be heard if there were any other noises. “am just sexually frustrated.” It’s not what he really needs to say, but at least it’s the truth. A truth that isn’t too painful. Jaebum had admitted basically the same thing just earlier in the bathroom. But he wonders, hopes that it is enough. That Jaebum will understand it the way he’s supposed to understand it. That Youngjae simply craves sexual contact and that’s why he’s asked him to do… that thing.

He keeps his sexuality a secret – from everyone. It doesn’t really matter, he believes, what gender of person he doesn’t date anyways because he’s an idol. But Jaebum knows. And he’s the only one who does. Because once, one single time in a night like this, blanketed by the darkness Youngjae had said it.  _“I think I am gay.”_ No more. And despite the severity of the confession, Jaebum had honored their relationship and never lost a word about it. 

Now he doesn’t really have to know the rest, does he? He feels Jaebum’s finger tighten mildly around his biceps, softened by the blanket in between. “And that’s normal.” He whispers. “But you’re… not yourself, Youngjae. I’m so worried…”

Youngjae buries his face in the pillow, groaning quietly in frustration. “I’m sorry I asked that of you. I don’t know what I was thinking…” He mumbles and Jaebum squeezes his arm again. “Don’t be…” He answers, a little strained. “It was just… so out of nowhere.” He pauses for a moment. “And you’re so unlike yourself. So spiritless and… quiet and… stressed like… I don’t know.”

Youngjae cringes a little. The more Jaebum worries the more stupid he feels. “It’s really nothing, Hyung.” He insists. “As soon as I’m back home I’ll be good as new, I promise.” Then he adds a little more pressure. “Please don’t worry.” Jaebum sighs deeply. “Youngjae…” He says a lot more quietly. “Why… why would you… offer doing me a favor like that?” Youngjae blinks into the darkness. “What do you mean?” He asks confused. He can only see a dusty shadow of Jaebum, but feels and hears him shift where he sits.

“You said…” He clears his throat a little awkwardly. “… you weren’t asking for… you know. Sex. But you called it a favor and I don’t know why you would… Call it that?” More shifting. “Is it me? Have I done or said something to make you think that…” He trails off. Youngjae needs a moment to process. “No you!” His mouth working a little faster than his brain there. “I mean…” He finally sits up in his bed, Jaebum’s hand falling off his arm and landing somewhere near his thigh. “I mean you… would be doing me a favor…” He mumbles. The night doesn’t feel so secure anymore. Jaebum sucks in a harsh breath.

“Why would that be a favor?” He asks sort of jittery and Youngjae slaps his hands in front of his face. “Hyunnng…” He whines. “You know I love you…” Jaebum’s quiet voice breaks through his fit of embarrassment. “Ugh…” Youngjae takes his hands down, but there’s barely anything to see. “I know that Hyung. Look. I worry you and I don’t want that. I know you want to help me and that… that’s something you could do to make me feel better, okay, but…” He reaches out and grabs Jaebum’s arm. “But I don’t want you to… You should only do it if you want to. I don’t want you to feel like you have to. Because if not… I’ll be alright. Really. Just… It’s very stressful for me on tour…”

He feels Jaebum moving in closer, can suddenly make out the white of his eyes, reflecting the very little bit of moonlight falling in through tiny cracks in the blends. “Are you sure it would make you feel better…” It’s phrased like a question, but it’s not in tone. Youngjae huffs. “Dunno…” Which is technically true, because he can’t say for sure with never having tried out a real cock before, but at the same time he’s as positive as can be that  _anything_ will help him in this state. He’s so frustrated he’d fuck a carrot if he got the chance and he’s had a hard time to stop picturing Jaebum’s dick since he crawled under his covers.

Youngjae also thinks that, considering how long they’ve known each other and how many serious conversations they held about their lives, worries, the group, the future and even romance – They’re very bad at communicating. Because all Youngjae wants is a simple ‘yes or no’, but Jaebum seems to think differently, because he moves closer and closer and then, warm fingers suddenly find Youngjae’s face and cradle his cheeks and jaw and before he can know what Jaebum is up to, a warm, dry pair of lips press to his own.

Youngjae knows how kissing feels. He’s done it before, practiced it with a friend or two in his life. Even kissed a girl when he was in High School and didn’t know better. But he doesn’t know what place a kiss has in this situation. He jerks out of Jaebum’s hold with a gasp, confused and a bit scared. “What are you doing?!” He yelps, pressing his fingers against his lips that feel tingly. Jaebum makes a crooked sound in response.

“Oh… my g- I’m sorry.” He rushes out. “I’m sorry Youngjae, I… Oh my god. I read the situation all wrong, I’m so sorry…” His voice muffles in the end as if he hides his face behind his palms and Youngjae feels apologetic immediately. Why did he have to create such an enormous mess?

“Hyung…” He searches through the darkness to find Jaebum’s shoulder again. “I know you want to… fix me. I know me being weird causes you to want to make it better, I get that, but… I’m not… I’m not asking you to… you know…” He cringes a little. “… to _date_ me.” If he’s not mistaken he thinks Jaebum’s shoulder is shaking under his palm. “Hyung… Just because you’re the only person I ever told, that doesn’t mean you alone are responsible to… like… romance me or something.” Why is this so hard? “Being gay doesn’t mean I am in love with every man that crosses my path or something. And I would never. Ever. Expect anything from you. You’re not… You don’t… I wasn’t asking you to sleep with me or something. That’s why I said to do me a favor. Just… sober… Not like foreplay and and sex and kissing. I won’t ask that of you…”

It’s quiet after he trails off. “I’m…” Jaebum takes a shuddery breath when he finally speaks. “… really sorry. I misread the moment, it’s my fault…” Youngjae huffs. “Stop apologizing.” He scolds. “It’s okay, it happens. I didn’t manage to express myself clearly and everything got a little tangled. I just hope we’re clear now.”

Jaebum places his palm atop Youngjae’s hand. “Absolutely clear.” He states very seriously. “You lead.” Youngjae frowns. “Huh?” His fingers curl around his hand and he shifts. “You tell me what to do. Or show me. You lead.” It takes Youngjae quite a while to get it and when he does he sputters and feels a sudden warmth spread over his skin. “You… You want to…?” He asks nervously.

“Whatever helps you, Youngjae-ah.” And not only is the way Jaebum speaks so soft and gentle, his voice sounds a lot darker and the selfless promise makes something inside Youngjae ache. And, well. It also gets him all hot and bothered. His heartrate picks up and he can’t help thinking about it. About how nice and hard Jaebum’s cock looked earlier in the bathroom. And how desperate he is to feel it. He scoots out from under the blanket, it’s too stuffed, too warm underneath there when he feels his blood start to boil, his ears heat up and his boy parts tingle with excitement.

“Oh, Hyung…” He makes, even though he’s not sure what he’s trying to say. “Yes, Youngjae.” Jaebum breathes back. Even softer, even darker. It takes him a few moments to decipher that the goosebumps that run down his back signify arousal. It feels strange. He knows Jaebum’s body well. They do this thing, all bro-ish, where they appreciate each other’s work-out progress. Where they grab and squeeze each other’s arms, and pecs, and abs. Youngjae theoretically knows what it feels like. But now as he drags his palm up his shoulder and down his collarbones to his stomach, it’s as if it is the very first time.

Jaebum is wearing a loose fitting tank-top and Youngjae stops when his hand grazes the top of a thigh. “Consent.” He says awkwardly, because he remembers just so that that is an important thing. He thinks he hears Jaebum swallow. “Yes.” Youngjae nervously taps his fingertips against the fabric covering his belly. “I mean… In… In the butt.” He elaborates sounding strange even in his own burning ears. “Is that okay?” The sound Jaebum makes sounds a lot like a scoff. “If that is what you want.”

Youngjae doesn’t know how to buttsex. But he’s still pretty sure that that’s what he wants. However, he also doesn’t know how to touch a dick. Well, save his own and he thinks it’s not exactly the same thing. So, despite his fingertips already being so close to what he’s looking for, he takes his hand back. “What’s wrong?” Jaebum immediately notices and he sounds so nervous, Youngjae is tempted to ask him again whether he really is okay with this. He doesn’t know how gross it would feel for a straight man to put their willy in another man’s behind. I mean, straight men put them in women’s butts, right? Is it too weird? He doesn’t want to think about it and more so, he doesn’t want Jaebum to change his mind. He really doesn’t want him to back out just when Youngjae’s poor, neglected body is getting excited to finally receive what it’s been craving so much. So he doesn’t ask again.

“I don’t… uhm… have any lube on me.” He answers instead. At least that is something he knows. Whether it’s a toy or a man. “Uh...” Jaebum makes. “Really?” Youngjae shrugs, but Jaebum probably can’t see it. “I figured when you...” Jaebum begins but trails off, then “Nevermind.” Youngjae wants to say ‘What now?’ but Jaebum gets up from the bed and walks towards the bathroom. He watches his silhouette illuminate from the bathroom light before he vanishes inside.

Mildly Youngjae wonders if turning on the light will change anything, just as he leans over and flicks the light switch for the small bedside table lamp. He just knows that it’s gonna be really difficult to get this done if he can’t even see where he needs to sit.

Jaebum returns soon after, a familiar bottle of lotion in his hand. Youngjae frowns upon seeing it. Jaebum frowns upon seeing the illuminated room after turning off the bathroom lights, but he doesn’t comment. Youngjae does. “Will that be safe?” He asks carefully and reaches out for the cream once Jaebum carefully sits back on the bed with him. Jaebum nods seriously. “Water-based and no perfumes or other irritating additives. For Youngjae’s sensitive skin.” One corner of his mouth twitches. Youngjae eyes it. It’s the lotion the company always gets for him and he knows it’s specifically for him, because of how quickly his skin gets irritated. But he never took a deep dive into skincare mechanics so he didn’t know why it worked.

“Okay.” He nods and places it on the pillow for now. “So, uhm...” He looks up and finds Jaebum’s eyes and suddenly gets nervous all over again. Jaebum just sits there and looks at him with his narrow eyes, lose strands of hair throwing shadows over his cheeks and waits. Youngjae clears his throat and fumbles with the thread of his shorts. He never felt conscious about undressing in front of Jaebum, but he never undressed with such an incentive. And he never undressed while having a semi. Which he most definitely has by now, because for some reason being nervous does not turn him off. At least not in his constantly-on-the-brink-of-arousal state.

He pulls his pants down, shifting as he slides it underneath the curve of his butt. Undressing while sitting down isn’t very sexy, but then again, he’s not trying to be sexy for Jaebum right? He shuffles out of them, looking down at his own legs, because he’s not sure he wants to look Jaebum in the eyes right now. He leaves his T-Shirt on and that’s good because it’s oversized and falls down over his lap. “Okay, uhm...” He reaches for the lotion again with one hand and gestures towards Jaebum’s bottom with the other.

“You don’t waste any time now, do you?” He asks, a little bit amused, but also a little bit breathless. Youngjae can’t interpret in what way this situation affects him, but in _some_ way it does. While uncapping and squeezing lotion onto two fingers of his right hand, Jaebum shuffles out of his pajama pants just as awkwardly. But he even goes the extra mile to take off his top, too. And there he sits. Naked. On Youngjae’s bed and they’re about to… He has to avert his eyes when he gets up a little onto his knees so that he can reach behind himself. He curls his free hand into the hem of his shirt and kind of drags it down a bit to cover up. No matter how awkward the situation his, his cock is getting harder and harder. The need to be filled is burning under his skin and no embarrassment seems to be able to extinguish it.

But there’s another thing. When Youngjae’s eyes flicker around, just when his lubed fingertips graze over his waiting hole, he realizes that Jaebum… He’s not hard.

He’s sitting there, naked, with his mouth open and his eyes following the motion of Youngjae’s right arm, but his cock is soft. Youngjae looks at it and if he’s honest, he’s a little upset. Not that it doesn’t look good. It really does, if he’s honest, but… He’s been so excited about it, how he saw it in the bathroom. His hole is twitching in want under the pads of his own fingers. He doesn’t need to open up, he’s fingered himself enough in the shower, so he just smears around as much of the lotion as he can and takes his arm back. He sees Jaebum’s eyes fixed on his hand as he does.

“Hyung.” Youngjae says accusingly and their eyes find each other. If he didn’t know his leader better he would think he sees a faint blush on his cheeks. He gestures towards Jaebum’s lap. He follows and looks down his own body. In a sudden motion his hands come flying to cover himself up. “Uh…” He makes and glances at him from under his lashes. There’s a few beats of silence. “You did jerk off in the shower didn’t you?” Youngjae asks just as it all comes together in his brain. Jaebum’s nod is timid. He doesn’t mean to judge, but he apparently can’t hide his disappointment well. “What am I supposed to do with that?” He sulks, probably a notch too childish. 

Jaebum makes a squeaky noise. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles. “Just give me a moment…” He attempts to be discreet, but Youngjae’s eyes are glued to his lap, so he sees very clearly how he wraps his right hand around his soft member. Does he have the slight urge to get involved? Absolutely. He can’t use a new dick, if he doesn’t check out how it feels in his hand first, but he’s not used to them being soft. Jaebum’s breath is loud in the silence. If Youngjae isn’t mistaken he’s shaking slightly. He’s not sure why, but it eases is own nervousness a little and he finally stops trying to hide his own erection under his shirt. He notices Jaebum’s lids fluttering as his gaze catches sight of how it pops up from underneath the hem of his shirt, but he’s not sure what to make of it. Is Jaebum gonna get hard more easily if he doesn’t have to see it?

He’s rubbing himself in small motions that just don’t seem to do the trick. “Hyung.” Youngjae pouts. “You shouldn’t have offered if you can’t…” “No. No, I can!” Jaebum interrupts him breathlessly. Youngjae is still kneeling awkwardly, his exposed hole cooling under the lube. God, he needs this so much. “Can I help?” He urges, looks up into Jaebum’s face who stares at him with wide eyes and down to his fumbling hand. His voice comes out soundless when he breathes a quiet “Yes.”

Youngjae reaches out carefully and as his hand nears its destination, Jaebum’s own falls away, his pitifully limp cock still hanging down unfortunately. His fingertips brush over the surface and he clearly hears Jaebum’s shuddery inhale. It only needs him to place his palm flat on top to feel it twitch under his touch. Since he’s never experienced it, he wonders if it maybe feels a whole lot better if someone else touches your penis than if you do it yourself. It would explain Jaebum’s short little pants and the way he shudders. Youngjae studies his face, watches him screw his eyes shut, then tear them wide open again. Something tingles in his guts, but he can’t pinpoint it. He just knows that he doesn’t hate this. At all.

He looks down at his hand again when he eventually wraps it around the length. It feels strange. Nothing like his toys, but not exactly like himself either. First and foremost, he’s pretty certain that Jaebum is more girthy than himself. Not that he minds, but he notices it. His skin also feels a lot softer under his fingers. And everything is somewhat mirrored. Jaebum shivers and his cock noticeably comes to life, filling Youngjae with a pleasant excitement. He twists his hand like he would do on himself, except with less pressure, because he can’t tell when his grip is too strong.

He really likes the feel of it, if he’s honest. Maybe it’s a good thing he has never had sex, so that he didn’t know what he’s missing. It’s not just holding a cock in general, but especially the way it grows in his hand, hardening slowly. He hasn’t done that often, he mostly touches himself when he’s already hard, so following it is very exciting. He wonders if it would be nice to just jerk someone else off, especially Jaebum, now that he’s been formerly introduced to his penis. But at the moment, his own aching hardness reminds him, he really needs something else.

“Youngjae.” Jaebum whispers, his hands grab for him, holding onto his shoulder as he scoots a bit closer. “Is this okay?” Youngjae looks up from his busy hand, finding Jaebum’s face close, his lips parted and his pupils blown, and nods. “Is this… o… okay for you?” He questions back, notices that his own voice is raspy and a little shaky. He could seriously enjoy this if he wasn’t so horny. Jaebum nods too. His right hand slips off his shoulder and down his chest, leaving a slight ticklish feeling in its wake and then this strong, masculine, slender hand is on his dick.

Youngjae flinches away immediately and shakes him off with a gasp. It was barely a second and it had a surge of adrenaline shoot through his body. “Don’t.” He hisses. Jaebum jumps slightly, an expression of alarm on his shocked face. “Oh my god, Youngjae, I’m so sorry.” He babbles. “I did it again, I’m just…” He breaks off with a shuddered gasp when Youngjae, still holding him, squeezes his almost fully hard length. He takes a deep breath. “It’s okay, Hyung.” He answers calmly, rubbing his thumb under the head. He likes the feeling of it, more elastic than most of his toys, with a velvety surface and it’s  _warm_ . It just feels so different being warm and lively. It twitches and jumps in his grasp.

“Just, don’t… Don’t touch me there today, okay?” He asks quietly. He’s not sure he can explain it. Explain just how fucking sore he is from his fruitless attempts to jerk himself to completion. His poor cock will need some time to heal, which it hopefully will be able to once he’s satisfied. Much like his lips. He darts his tongue out and licks along his split bottom lip, sees Jaebum’s wide eyes follow the motions as he nods very, very slowly.

When it’s quiet, both their breathing sounds noisy in the room. They mingle, desperate gasps and soft, breathless panting and Youngjae notices that Jaebum’s shivering, that his rejected hand digs into the comforter and also notices that his own heart is racing in anticipation and arousal.

“I-I-I… think I…” Jaebum breathes out and Youngjae feels like snapping out of some kind of trance and realizes that he’s fully and perfectly hard against his palm. He nods and looks down, slowly letting go of him. He’s surprised over the view, the size that’s offering up. Maybe because he’s so much closer now, maybe just because he’s mentally always comparing to his toys. It makes him nervous, because Jaebum really is quite girthy and he’s been abstinent for so long. After weeks of break he usually would start with a smaller vibrator. But he doesn’t have that luxury now.

He fidgets around for the lotion and upon finding it he plops it open and empties a way too large amount on Jaebum’s dick. He squeals quietly and flinches over the cold and Youngjae would apologize if he could still think straight. “Okay uhm.” He says while spreading the lotion down his length, hating himself for not thinking about that sooner, because not only does it feel nice, but Jaebum also releases a small, quiet moan. It hits him hard, but not in a bad way. He didn’t think about hearing Jaebum moan, like, ever. But he knows he himself is quite noisy, so he won’t have to feel embarrassed or anything. “You should lie down I think.” He shakes himself out of it and releases him.

Jaebum doesn’t answer, but crawls over on the bed so that he has enough space to lie flat on his back. “Alright.” Youngjae says, mentally pep talking himself. In what he hopes conveys any form of confidence he moves in and swings his leg over Jaebum’s stomach, coming to sit on his knees. He can do this, he thinks, placing one hand before him to steady himself, feeling Jaebum’s chest rise and fall quickly. The other he brings behind his back and gropes around for his salvation. It throbs in his grasp when he finds it. He knows he has to relax, but he’s tense from nervousness and excitement alike.

When he presses the tip against his entrance and Jaebum covers his mouth with a hand, eyes wide open, he shivers. This is it. It’s real, it’s now. It’s most definitely too late to turn back. He’s gonna have to go through with this. His muscle twitches against the blunt pressure and he feels the sizzling sensation travel straight to his dick. Now or never, he thinks and pushes his hips down. He probably is too tense. Maybe he is just too tight after such a long time, but Jaebum’s head doesn’t make it through, slips away and he comments a small noise. 

The embarrassment doesn’t help with relaxing if he’s honest and he averts his eyes, trying to focus on what he feels. He can’t help it, it’s just so different. The velocity and position. He can’t exactly just pick Jaebum up and hold him like he’s used to. He straightens his posture and takes a deep breath before giving it another try. He feels himself stretch around the round tip, just a bit, but enough to have him shudder. His grip loosens involuntarily and then Jaebum slips away again, bends under the pressure and plops out. He hisses under him. “Careful!”

Only when he attempts to speak Youngjae notices how out of breath he is. “Fuck… Sorry.” He rasps. He just can’t seem to get the angle right. All of his ‘experience’ seems to be in vain. I can do this, he cheers himself on, I  _need_ to do this. He adjusts his grip, holding Jaebum firmly against the slipperiness, watches eyes grow in whatever emotion it is and his fingers flex. Then he sinks down again, pressing him against his entrance and wiggling his hips to finally get the angle correct.

His world bursts into flames when finally, finally, Jaebum’s thickness breaches him and he feels it so  _intense_ . It’s so much more than he expected, too much for his tight, neglected hole and on top of that he’s so warm. He didn’t expect this to feel so different from what he knows and he didn’t expect it to feel so good. A quiet noise tears out of his chest when he presses further before he loses his grip again and what he also wasn’t prepared for was Jaebum’s response. With his hand still tightly over his face he moans, yes moans into his palm.

Youngjae pauses for a breather, needs a moment to collect himself. He doesn’t know how far down he’s made it, but his cock twitches happily already. Jaebum looks a bit as if he’s suffering. Youngjae wants to ask him if he’s alright, if he’s messing it up, but he can’t get a decent sound out of his throat, releasing some weird breathy groan instead.

It’s what he needed, desperately, but he kind of wishes it’d all go a little faster. In another situation he’d just stuff himself full and grind into it until he orgasms, but that won’t work here. So instead he braces himself to push a little further, feels his muscles respond and his entrance stretch further, painful, but in the good way, a nice sting that spurs him on. It’s not the instant relief that he wished for, it’s intense and slow and seemingly endless, but so, so good.

He realizes, with detached fascination that he’s trembling slightly and he’s still not fully seated. He wonders if it’s even possible. He attempts fruitlessly to look down between his own legs, but the only thing he can see is his own impossible arousal and, interestingly, Jaebum’s flexing stomach muscles. His eyes glance up and find Jaebum’s that seem a little wet and as they meet in the middle a small whimper breaks out from underneath his palm. Youngjae shudders. He’s not sure if Jaebum’s alright. He’s not sure if  _he_ is alright. He’s not sure they’re alright either. But he needs to pull through now, doesn’t he?

He feels Jaebum’s tip nudge somewhere inside him and his eyes screw shut as his muscles tense. He halts, halfway up on his strained thighs. His cock is throbbing, his chest heaving. He has no idea why he feels this exerted when he barely has even started. And he feels hot. So incredibly hot that without thinking about it much, he grabs the hem of his T-Shirt and finally pulls it off over his head, throwing it away carelessly and sighing over how the cooler air caresses his heated skin. He just means to get more leverage as he lifts up a little to sink down further, but the sudden friction has him moan out in relief involuntarily. He slaps his hand before his mouth, as if mirroring Jaebum’s position. He wasn’t prepared for his own needy ass if he’s honest and nudges his hips further, repeating the motion because it felt good and he wants more of it.

It’s not even much, but it has him break out a sweat and he has to release his naughty mouth to use his arms for balance, both, really, stemming them down on Jaebum’s very pretty stomach. He’s used to soft pillows and rough textiles to hold on to, not velvety damp skin and hard muscle and it throws him off for a moment. He’s squirming in the position he’s stuck in. He still hasn’t bottomed out, he knows that, but Jaebum is just so damn  _big_ he’s not sure he will even though it honestly fuels his ambitions.

He's got this one time chance. To make the most of it, to let it consume him, he’d be an idiot not giving it his all. Theoretically he knows it’ll take some time for him to open up enough, but it bugs him so much. He attempts a few shallower motions and  _god_ ; does it feel good. Jaebum whimpers like he’s in pain and Youngjae tries to find his eyes but they’re closed. The stretch is good, the friction is better. He sucks at finding the right motions, unable to set any type of rhythm, so he keeps rocking his hips experimentally. He feels Jaebum’s length drag along his rim and his tip bump all kinds of places deep inside him. He moans haphazardly when he accidentally brushes right past his prostate and his bottom jerks in an attempt to repeat it.

Jaebum keeps answering him with choked off noises that he can’t place. His movements are too small, he knows that, but his thighs burn and he inches him deeper inside so tortuously slow, with so many false angles that he has to retreat over and over again. It’s good, it really is, arousal is burning scorching hot in his guts and he loves it, but he also knows he isn’t going to get off like this. Not if he doesn’t find the right way to do it, to bounce properly.

“Youngjae.” He hears Jaebum gasp and when he looks down at him, he finally takes his hand away from his mouth and his eyes are shimmering wet and his lips are parted and puffy like he bit them. “I’m getting there.” Youngjae gives back panicky and pulls himself up to bring his hips down again feverishly. Jaebum yelps in shock as his length gets squished from Youngjae’s again, false angle. He tries to straighten his back to slip him back inside properly, but he just ends up where he was before. “Youngjae...” Jaebum repeats and he stems his arms into the mattress and lifts himself up into a sitting position. Youngjae’s hands lose their hold and he yanks them up and curls them around Jaebum’s neck on instinct to keep a semblance of balance.

“No, please.” He gasps. “Give me some more time, I’m getting it.” Jaebum slings his arms around his back and when he pulls him in, their chests bump into each other and his face ends up so so close to his own. Youngjae stares down into his wide glossy eyes and he shivers upon the intimacy. This wasn’t the plan.

Jaebum’s voice his quiet. “Let me.” He suggests. “Let me, please, Youngjae-ah.” He can feel his hands wander up and down his back in long strokes. It’s soothing, but he didn’t mean for Jaebum to touch him, that makes it awkward. His eyes look up to him pleading, where Youngjae sits frozen midway and, god, Jaebum is looking at him like that and his dick is up his butt right now and he’s so damn horny and he finds himself nodding quietly, before his brain has thoroughly decided to do that.

“Okay.” Jaebum whispers. “You won’t regret it. Lie down.” He lifts Youngjae off him and they both make a crooked sound that mingles together when he slips out of him fully. It’s Youngjae who lies down on his back this time and he’s shocked over how vulnerable it makes him feel and that Jaebum did it earlier without blinking an eye. The mattress is soft and his strained muscles soften in relief. Jaebum fumbles around and finds a pillow. Reaching an arm around his hips he lifts him up a little and stunned Youngjae helps, without knowing exactly what he’s doing. Jaebum places the pillow under his butt and it leaves it slightly elevated and so exposed. He feels blood rush to his face and averts his eyes. It doesn’t help how his legs are spread and how Jaebum kneels between them. This feels like sex. A lot more than it did before.

“It’s okay.” Jaebum’s palm strokes up and down the front of his thigh in an obvious attempt to soothe him. “You’re so pretty, Youngjae.” It comes out in a soft breath, almost as if he wasn’t really supposed to hear it. “Tell me if there’s something you don’t like, okay? Let me take care of you.” Youngjae grins his teeth and gives a curt nod, but doesn’t say anything. He’s anticipating to feel Jaebum inside him again, but with how much this feels like having sex… His mind is mildly occupied with the realization that he’s about to lose his virginity. Not that it matters.

Jaebum scoots up between his legs and a moment later his blunt head presses to his entrance again. He’s lose enough now, after his own ministrations earlier that he slips inside with ease and Youngjae moans in relief. He doesn’t know what to do with his legs, awkwardly hanging in the air and maybe Jaebum notices, because he hoists them up over his arms as he pushes further. He feels his hole stretch, feels Jaebum’s cock creep inside and inhabit him as if he belongs there. Youngjae stares at a random point at the ceiling, he can’t close his eyes, feeling like the situation would overwhelm him if he did. He feels his own chest rise and fall with his hard breaths and Jaebum’s palm stroke his thigh tenderly.

When Jaebum first starts moving his hips, Youngjae’s mouth falls open with a cry. He didn’t expect it. And that’s it. He doesn’t know what to expect, he  _can’t_ know. Jaebum decides when to push forward and not him. The sudden friction against his entrance has his skin tingle with pleasure, he clenches down involuntarily and listens to a choked moan that isn’t his own. He means to relax, but Jaebum pushes again, rocks his hips into him and he can’t help the tension when his insides snug around the intrusion. He fucking loves it.

It’s not easy to accommodate to someone else’s pace, but it’s seriously worth it. Maybe that makes it better, but he can’t think about that now, because Jaebum pushes into him relentlessly. It’s the kind of shallow motions Youngjae would do himself, just to warm up. Just enough to keep stretching him until the slide is easy, just to fuel his arousal and allow himself to go deeper. Youngjae hears himself moan like it is someone else. The lines go a little blurry. The penetration is so vivid, Jaebum is so big and perfect, but at the same time, everything feels detached from him. Or from both of them rather, as if they aren’t who they are. Like a parallel universe.

Youngjae shudders and cries out when there’s a sudden change in pace. Jaebum adjust the angle and thrusts harder into him, going deeper than he probably has before and it presses all the right buttons in him, has pleasure coil in his guts and spread down his limbs. His eyes snap upright and catch on Jaebum’s face. The intense look he stares down at him with has him shiver just as much as the drag against his walls and he can’t look away again. Jaebum’s gaze is fixated on him when he rocks his hips again, much slower and much, much deeper and the whole intensity of the situation has Youngjae release an involuntary noise that he wishes he could take back. But Jaebum’s fingers, where they hold his thighs, tense and dig into the flesh and he thrusts like that again, harsh and deep, so deep. Youngjae whimpers again as his muscles contract around Jaebum’s girth, the blunt pressure driving him insane.

He feels raw and naked in Jaebum’s hands, under Jaebum’s gaze and around Jaebum’s flesh and it’s not bad. He doesn’t need to work, he doesn’t need to push himself, all of his senses feel heightened, when all he has to worry about is to take and enjoy. Relish in the sensations Jaebum provides him with. Long, deep strokes that rub his sweet spot deliciously, have his mind cloud with pleasure and lust. It’s a perfect fit and it really is, because Jaebum’s relentless thrusting has him finally, finally bottom out. He moans heavily about it but he’s not the only one. He hears the needy groan above him when Jaebum’s hipbones collide with the flesh of his butt and he’s  _so deep_ . The pressure is insane and the position makes it better, Youngjae’s body feels like it’s being swalloed by the softness of the bed, such a contrast to the hardness inside him and he wants more.

Jaebum pulls away, just to snap back into position, violently deep, but so slow. “More.” Youngjae chokes out and he would cringe if he wasn’t so far gone. He’s been on the edge for what feels like eternity. He slipped into that state where it’s never enough, where he wants it harder and faster to the point where his own muscles can’t keep up and he usually struggles to keep going until he’s finally  _there_ . But Jaebum can, can’t he? He must.

Youngjae’s legs bend with him as he leans down. His arms, muscles strained and skin damp come up to stem into the mattress by his sides. His eyes are glazed over and wide open, this up close Youngjae can see his blown pupils and the sweat on his forehead. Or is the wetness of his hair still from the shower? Youngjae doesn’t know, but he’s struck hard by how damn handsome Jaebum is in that moment. His tongue darts out to lick his lips and Youngjae’s skin tingles.

Then he’s torn out of his momentary awe when Jaebum’s hips snap again. Moans pearl off his lips and his muscles contract and then again. He thrusts inside him again, quicker but no less hard, crushing his insides to mush in the best way possible. Youngjae’s aching cock is screaming as is his burning skin. He’s so open, like he’s never been before, like he’s turned inside out and all of his rawest points are laid bare.

Jaebum is so steady in his motions and so wild at the same time. The force of his thrusts doesn’t wager as he drives into him again and again and there’s no telling where it hits him the hardest. His prostate is sending shockwaves of pleasure through him under the constant stimulation until there’s not a moment of rest and Youngjae falters under it. He allows the whimpers to fall, doesn’t care how needy and out of it he sounds. It helps that Jaebum rewards him with one moan after the other, they sound beautiful and mix with his own like a perfect harmony. Just like their bodies are a perfect fit. Like Jaebum’s cock stretches him just right and like he sheathes his entire length  wholly .

Youngjae feels himself tense and clench down in anticipation. It doesn’t come out of nowhere, but it’s burning with such a fire, he distinctly notices his fingers claw at the blanket for support as if they weren’t his own. He wonders if Jaebum can tell while he listens to his violent moans, anxiously anticipating every single hard thrust as if he fears they would stop, but they don’t. Jaebum keeps going even when his arms shake and beads of sweat roll down his face and drop onto Youngjae’s chest.

Youngjae knows, even before it happens, that it’s going to be the best damn orgasm of his life. He throws his head back and cries out in pure, unfiltered pleasure, just as one last harsh thrust pushes him down the edge he’s been leaning dangerously over for the entirety of this  _happening_ . He feels it in his whole body, sizzling through his veins until it reaches his cock and he comes,  _hard_ , painting his own stomach and Jaebum’s alike in spurts of white. Jaebum groans, his motions stagger, but he doesn’t stop, strong, sloppy thrusts that ram into his prostate and milk him for what he’s worth, intense flashes of pleasure prolonging his high and having his mind go blank.

He knows he’s whimpering through it, knows that his muscles are spasming out of control and yes, it  _is_ the best orgasm he’s ever had. It’s just about to be too much, his cock weakly twitching and dribbling cum into the mess he’s already made, when Jaebum buries himself as deep as he goes, probably deeper than is physically possible and it’s like a strange out of body experience when he realizes belatedly that he’s coming, inside him. He can’t just see it in the way his eyes screw shut or hear it in his deep moan or sense it in the way his body goes stiff. He can  _feel_ it. Feel it hot and wet and  _inside_ him. He shudders over the feeling and his poor over-satisfied cock gives one last, half-assed sign of life over the sensation.

Youngjae is still basking in the glow, when Jaebum tears him out of it, falling back onto his heels and then his length slips out of him in a muss less pleasurable sensation, but one that Youngjae is instead familiar with and then his legs are lowered down to the mattress, allowing him to feel how exhausted they are. He’s catching his breath, body jelly and about to become one with the soft bedding underneath. Then a mass of limbs falls down next to him and when he turns his tired head he finds Jaebum stretched out on his side and face propped up on his hand.

“Are you okay?” He asks, breaking a spell that Youngjae didn’t know was there. He nods. A gentle finger swipes a strand of hair from his face and his eyes almost flutter shut.

So.  
That’s sex.

“Good thing we both showered.” Jaebum attempts a lame joke, but his voice sounds as exhausted as Youngjae feels. He’s not wrong though, considering how sweaty they are now. Not to speak of other messes. The same finger that stroked over his forehead wanders down and swipes over his bottom lip. “Are you going to leave this alone now?” He hears Jaebum’s voice and his tongue involuntarily darts out to lick it, meeting his salty fingertip instead. They both pull back.

He’d forgotten what all of this was about. Now that the fog of sex and orgasm clears he remembers. “I’m feeling a lot better.” He answers weakly and then adds something that’s probably overdue. “Thank you, Hyung.” He hears a hum and glances at him. His face looks soft in the warm glow, but undoubtedly like he’s just had sex. Youngjae’s brain works hard to catch up with everything that just happened. “You have done this before haven’t you?” He asks, because, let’s face it, there’s no way that was the first time Jaebum’s railed someone’s ass. “Yeah of course.” He mumbles unenthusiastically. Youngjae decides to keep the question burning on his tongue for later. Instead he sits up. “I should clean this.” He gestures down at his stomach and swings his legs off the bed. Jaebum sits up too. “Can I… Want me to…?” He asks but Youngjae waves him off.

He stalks over to the bathroom and shuts the door. He leans on the sink, staring at his own fucked out face in the mirror. He tries to remind himself that this was a one time thing. But that’s quite difficult when he feels so vividly the wetness seeping out of his hole and running down the insides of his thighs. He reaches behind and swipes a finger between his cheeks, feeling his puffy rim and the sticky mess of lube and. And Jaebum’s cum. He shivers, stares at his wet hand covered in translucent liquid.

And he has no idea how he can go back to his toys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoever said you need to though, Youngjae?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After all the 🥺 and 💔 today, let's have some 🤤

Youngjae thinks, very honestly, that their little adventure didn’t change anything about them. Or their lives or their work. And of course, that’s what he thought from the beginning. It was just masturbation with extra steps and it was a once occurrence. No big deal. Except. It kind of is. Not because Youngjae thinks that virginity has some kind of meaning or anything. No. It’s not because it was his first time really. No. It’s just. He wants it again.

And that’s probably the worst outcome of this situation. Jaebum’s done him a great favor this one time and he thought it was going to be just that. And now he feels kind of creepy, because he keeps thinking back to it and he kind of knows that he shouldn’t. He’d just needed to take the edge off, just until they come back home. Their tour lasts just another week and with that everything should go back to normal. Just like he’d promised Jaebum it would. He should be able to last that week. With their return so close by, he doesn’t think he has enough reasoning to ask for it again. He shouldn’t under any circumstances really, but if they were out for another month, then maybe he could slither his way back into it. Not like this.

The problem is, he can’t stop thinking about it and now THAT is what keeps him up and drives him nuts. He thinks about it. He thinks about how Jaebum felt inside him when they sit together. He fantasizes about that night and it pops up in his mind unasked for and out of nowhere and then he can’t stop. He witnesses Jaebum’s eyes narrow when he looks at him and averts his longing gaze. He feels his comforting hand on his shoulder and his mind gets plagued with memories of how the same hand felt flat against his thigh.

He somehow wishes he’d never done it. Maybe, he thinks, maybe it’s just the overall situation and when he’s back home and back to his routine he will be able to forget about it. Maybe his memories are clouded and it wasn’t even that great. Right. Probably it wasn’t that much better than doing it himself and it’s just the long abstinence that causes him to see Jaebum and their  _thing_ through rose-tinted glasses. Sex. He corrects himself mentally. It was sex what they had. The thing Youngjae always thought he could do well without. Never understood the fascination about it, but probably that was just because he didn’t know it. Well now he does. And it’s agonizing.

Three more days, he chants in his head when they check into the new hotel. They each got their own room. Privacy. In the quiet of his own four walls Youngjae lies on his bed and his thoughts wander astray without his doing. The soreness had lasted him two days. Now that it’s gone, his entrance itches playfully. How nice it would be, he thinks, if Jaebum filled it up again. He smacks the mattress and scolds himself ‘Don’t think about it!’. He really shouldn’t. He’ll get horny and then he will be in the same situation he was in before. Needy and unable to get off. Now more than ever.

He fumbles around on his phone trying to distract himself. Then, out of nowhere he sits up straight on the bed. In a flash of genius he remembers the question he’d needed to ask Jaebum and that he put off till later. Well, he thinks as he climbs of the bed and snags his key, having a reason to go to Jaebum’s room is a start. He’ll improvise from there.

Jaebum greets him with a smile when he knocks on his door and he slithers inside. “Hey, whats up?” He asks and comes back into his room to sit on the bed. He’s in his comfy sleepy clothes already and his hair is tousled in the way that makes him look ten times softer. A book lies atop the comforter, upside down with some page open like Jaebum put it down in the middle of reading. Youngjae stands in the room for a bit, hesitating. He’s intruding.

“Jae-ah?” Jaebum says and his voice is as soft as his hair, like how he speaks when his spider sense is already telling him something is up. Youngjae swirls around and wordlessly smacks the light switch. It clicks off and the room is left in darkness. It won’t be completely dark once his eyes adjust, so he speaks it out immediately while he can’t see, or be seen. “Remember how I asked you if you’d done that before?” He questions and waits anxiously in the following silence.

“Uhm...” Jaebum eventually makes. “Yeah?” Youngjae shifts, invisible with his hand still on the light switch. “And you said yes, so.” Jaebum stays quiet. “So. How was it? In comparison?” He doesn’t receive an answer and the shadows are already lifting before his eyes, grey schemes coming into view. “Since I’m… you know...?” He pushes and finally hears Jaebum move on the bed, the mattress rustles. “Hyung. Was it bad? Did you hate it?” He asks and he’s not sure how every passing second makes him more anxious. He didn’t mean to, but maybe he subconsciously thought that if Jaebum enjoyed it as much as he would doing it with a girl, then… No. He’s finally fucking things up for good now.

“Youngjae.” Jaebum says neutrally. “Did I give you the impression that I hated it?” Youngjae feels something hot creep up his spine. No, he hadn’t. But he hadn’t really expressed his thoughts at all. They haven’t mentioned it between them and it leaves him feeling like he burdened his already very burdened leader with too much. Especially now that he can’t stop thinking about it. “I wanted to give you space.” Jaebum says and by now he can see his outlines clearly in the fuzzy light. “But if you want to talk about it, we can talk about it.” Too insightful. As if he read his mind.

“Can we do it again?” Bubbles out of him without filter. He backtracks, but fails miserably. “I mean, I didn’t want to talk about it. I just….” He takes a deep breath. “I kind of want to do it again.” He can’t hear or see Jaebum’s reaction. It’s quiet and his grey shadow doesn’t move. He gets nervous. “Look.” He tries to explain. “I know you only did it to do me a favor and if you didn’t like it enough to do it again, that would be fine, really.” He’d be disappointed, but he needs to make sure to give Jaebum the opportunity to opt out. “But if it was okay. I mean you did… you know… Come.” He shudders over the memory _how_ he came. “So. If it was okay for you. I know the tour is almost over, but I’d kinda. Want to be on my best… uh. For the last concert, so it’d be really relieving to...”

“Okay.” Youngjae’s hand slips and the lights click on, making his eyes squeeze shut over the sudden brightness filling the room again. “What?” He asks. Jaebum looks up at him from where he sits, having not moved an inch. “I said okay.” He repeats. His face comes into Youngjae’s view slowly as his eyes adjust to the bright light. He can’t read it. He wants to sit too, but the space on the bed will be too close so he walks over and sits down on the chair by the desk, placing his hands flat on his thighs. That’s good right?

  
  


“Are you alright, Youngjae-ah?” Jaebum asks, sits up a littler straighter. Youngjae nods mechanically, even though he thinks he isn’t alright. Not really at least. It’s quiet in the room while he attempts to sort his thoughts. Jaebum said ‘Okay’ and he said it so easily. So quickly. Is he really okay with it? Or is he just saying that because he always has to be so damn caring, always has to go out of his way to make sure everybody else is happy. Would he do this for anyone? Youngjae frowns over the thought, not really enjoying it much. But would anyone else even be so damn bold and selfish to ask for it in the first place? Is there even one other damn human so horny and perverted that they’d have to ask such a dumb favour?

“You know.” Jaebum tears him from his thoughts. “If it is really…. I don’t know, something else that bothers you, you know you can tell me.” Youngjae blinks at him. He’s so calm, seems so reassured, a contrast to the blatant concern he’s shown to Youngjae before. “Of course you don’t have to.” He flips around onto his stomach and reaches for his book. “Take your time. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” He flattens the page of the book and starts reading. “Whatever you need.” Then it’s silent.

Youngjae stares at him dumbfounded. Why? How? What? He gets back up onto his feet. Jaebum doesn’t react to the movement and he really means to just walk out and not come back, but after two steps towards the door he changes his mind. “I don’t believe you.” It just bubbles out of his mouth involuntarily. Jaebum marks the line he’s at with his pointer finger and looks up. His eyes are wide when he asks. “What do you not believe?” Youngjae would like to cross his arms and pout, but he can’t bring himself to. “That it’s okay for you.”

Jaebum doesn’t get up, but he slaps his book close and pushes it aside without marking the page. “Otherwise I wouldn’t say it.” Youngjae rubs his nose. “Then why does it feel like you’re just saying it’s okay to… I don’t know. Make me better and it actually… Makes you… dunno.” He ducks his head, unable to look into Jaebum’s attentive eyes any longer. “… Feel sick?”

He hears him sigh deeply. “Youngjae.” He says quietly and causes him to look up when he returns to his former sitting position. “Listen to me closely.” And Youngjae does, wringing his hands. “I would do anything for you.” There’s a small stagger, a heartbeat of silence. “For all of you. I love you all and I would take many a hardship for you. But I would never.” He emphasizes that word significantly. “Ever go so far as to allow myself to be sexually violated by you. That’s nuts.” His legs slide off the side of the bed and he comes to stand on his feet. Youngjae’s eyes dart up to follow him, hanging off his lips as he speaks. “I wouldn’t do that. If I say it is okay, I mean it. If you don’t think you can believe me, then don’t ask. Let’s not do it if it makes you uncomfortable. But if you expect me to say ‘No’ and then when I say ‘Yes’ you doubt me, then just don’t. Okay?”

Youngjae nods, but it’s a reflex, he hasn’t even digested the words yet. “And please don’t ever think I could be disgusted by you. Youngjae.” He takes one, two steps closer. “I...” he says, taking a deep breath. “I think...” His confidence seems to fizzle away, a little. “I think it was fine and… I would do it again. It’s just…” He shrugs. “After all, it’s just sex. It doesn’t… mean the world, right?” Youngjae nods again. Then quietly answers. “Right...”

Jaebum attempts to put that reassuring smile back on his face. Only then, after quite a while, Youngjae seems to remember what all this was about. And he realizes like in slow-motion that he’s actually allowed another go at it and it has his skin heat up in a sudden. Jaebum is standing in front of him, waiting, all… all leader and friend and…

“Uhm.” Youngjae points his thumb over his shoulder at the door. “I’ll go get my uhm…” He mumbles the last word “Lotion...” He means to turn around, but just halfway, Jaebum catches him, fingers curling into the sleeve of his T-Shirt. “No need to.” He states soberly. He mirrors Youngjae’s thumb-pointing motion towards the bed. “I got… I since got some...” Youngjae hates how awkward this is, but the statement distracts him for a moment. “Why?” He starts. “Well uhm…” Jaebum shrugs and, does he blush? “I figured… I mean I experienced that there are situations it could be needed, so… I stocked up… mhh yeah.” He turns around halfway. “Are we doing this or no?” He asks, a little louder than before.

Youngjae isn’t sure why he’s so nervous. They’ve done this. Maybe he still isn’t convinced. Maybe he still thinks he’s a nuisance. A burden. Jaebum looks at him from the side. Then he steps closer swiftly, ducks his arm around his waist and Youngjae yelps when he’s being pulled, almost swayed off his feet and stumbles over to the bed until he falls onto it. Jaebum throws himself next to him, landing heavily on his butt and when Youngjae looks up he finds him smiling. It really eases his mind and he’s thankful for it.

Jaebum leans over the bed to the point where his head is hanging off the other end and rummages through his bag that’s been carelessly tossed on the floor. When he comes back he hands Youngjae a bottle of lube. It’s still sealed and the writing is in a foreign language. He really must have bought it recently and while Youngjae is a bit curious, he decides it’s better not to ask how or where he got it. More to busy himself than anything, Youngjae rips off the flimsy plastic over the cap and carefully pumps a small peasize blob onto his finger. He squishes is between his thumb and index and even lifts it up to his nose. It doesn’t smell of anything.

“Mh… is that okay?” He hears Jaebum ask and only when he looks up he finds him halfway out of his pajama shirt already. “Do you prefer lube that smells like… I don’t know, chocolate or strawberry or something?” Youngjae quickly shakes his head. “No I like… this.” He finishes a bit lame and waves the bottle around before placing it down on the bed. What also gets placed on the bed is Jaebum’s top and Youngjae is confused as to why he finds himself admiring his chest as much as he does. Because it’s not a new view obviously and he didn’t use to do that. Now he lets his gaze wander over his naked shoulder and defined pecs and thinks… He’s handsome.

“Awkward.” Jaebum comments with a slight smirk and grabs his waistband just as Youngjae’s eyes flicker back up to his face. “Hhh?” He makes. “Me getting naked while you’re.” He gestures undefined. Youngjae startles. “Of course...” And he quickly pulls his own shirt over his head. They kind of simultaneously shimmy out of their pants, except Jaebum doesn’t wear anything underneath and while Youngjae sits there in his ugly boxers, Jaebum sits there in his full naked glory. Which means that Youngjae’s body remembers all the good things when he rediscovers Jaebum’s nude manhood, but also means that Jaebum isn’t busy when he goes on to slide off his underwear and he feels incredibly watched.

He is. Watched. He’s not sure what to make of Jaebum’s intense look with which he gauges him. “I can help you this time.” Jaebum says cryptically. It’s cryptic, because Youngjae doesn’t understand it. “Huh?” He makes, when he shakes the rest of his clothes off. He finds Jaebum looking at him strangely and he gestures towards his crotch. “I can help you this time.” He repeats in the same tone and then he reaches out. Like Youngjae did for him last time. To get him ready for the deed. His fingertips brush Youngjae’s length and he flinches and out of instinct slaps his hand away. He didn’t have enough time to realize the actual feeling of it, before he covers himself with his palm. “No.” He says without thinking, watching Jaebum’s face contort in shock. He takes a deep breath. “I don’t… like that.” He concludes. He’s not sure what he means, he just knows that right now, he doesn’t want it.

Jaebum looks small. “Sorry.” He mutters and looks away, making Youngjae feel bad. “I uhm… I have to...” He mumbles in a feeble attempt to gloss over it. “I have to prep anyways...” He does. This time, if they’re doing it like they did last time, he didn’t have an extensive fingering session in the shower to take care of it. “I have to prep.” He states more firmly. “That’ll do it.” He says it, but he doesn’t move. He doesn’t know how. Should he walk away? Turn away? Do it behind his back? Should Jaebum see?

“I’ll do it.” His thoughts are interrupted and he finds Jaebum looking at him intently. He stares. “I can… help.” Jaebum adds. “I can do it.” His hands flail through he air, as if he was making a poor attempt at sign language. Youngjae gawks. It’s surprising to say the least, that Jaebum would offer it. But even more so, he didn’t think he’d… “Do you know how?” He asks. Jaebum gives him a firm nod. “’f course.” He mutters still. “I can do that for you, I...” The words hang in the air as they look at each other and something seems to be going on behind his eyes. “I want to.”

He’s not sure why, but he shudders. Jaebum must be worried that he still doesn’t believe him that all of this is okay. And he’s grateful for the words. He nods. “Okay.” But doesn’t move. He still doesn’t know how this is supposed to go about. “Do you want to lie down?” Jaebum asks, probably sensing his uncertainty. “On your stomach?” He gestures up the bed and Youngjae nods again. Doing so bears a semblance of excitement. They’re really doing this. He’s going to feel Jaebum inside him again and the thought alone is arousing now that it trickles through to his brain.

He also doesn’t need to look at him, which eases his nerves and, even if it’s a little stupid, he doesn’t feel so naked anymore, when his dick isn’t out in display. Jaebum doesn’t need to bear witness to how fast he gets hard from some fingering. He’s obviously only ever done it himself, but he doesn’t think another person doing it should be worse. As long as he’s careful and gentle.

What he didn’t take into account though was, that a different part of his intimate area will be even more on display this way. Last time he doesn’t think Jaebum got a good look down between his cheeks, but now there’s no way around it. Youngjae hugs the fluffy pillow and props his head up on it, wiggling into a comfortable position. Is Jaebum really okay with looking at his bare asshole? Touching it even? He wants to ask, opens his mouth and has a breath ready when he decides against it. Jaebum will tell him if it stops being okay, will he?

He hears the unmistakable squelch of the lube and hugs the pillow a little tighter. He didn’t realize how tightly he kept his legs together until he feels something push between them, right above his knee. He tries hard not to make it a big deal how he spreads them apart a little further until Jaebum’s knee fits well between his thighs. It’s okay. It’s comfortable and sober and calculated between them. He needs the space.

He wasn’t prepared for the warm hand on the back of his thigh either and startles a little. Jaebum’s palms are always a bit rough and in such a sensitive area they feel even more so. It’s moved up all the length of his leg until it reaches his butt and now Youngjae is really nervous again when he feels his thumb drag between his cheeks. He feels being spread, feels the cool air against his rim and he squirms a bit, involuntarily. Jaebum lets it slide back, rubs his cheek with his warm hand a little before he does it again and this time he can suppress it.

What he can’t suppress is the gasp when lubed fingers find their way straight onto his entrance. It’s not cold, it’s already taken on Jaebum’s body heat and it just feels… strange. Jaebum’s voice also sounds strange when he rasps a quiet “Okay”. His fingertips, warm and soft from the lube circle his rim in small motions and barely any pressure. Just to get a feel. It’s awkward, but it’s also kind of arousing. When he forces himself to relax and remember that this is no different from himself doing it. It’s just some fingering.

Jaebum rubs his fingers down his taint, putting more pressure that sends delightful sparks under Youngjae’s skin. He knows, he realizes, he actually knows what he’s doing. The realization baffles him, but he doesn’t have time to dwell, because just when Jaebum drags his two fingers up again, keeping the pressure steady, they easily and arousingly push past his entrance. Youngjae’s body twitches in response. He wasn’t prepared for it, but it feels good. It’s just the fingertips and Jaebum doesn’t bring them deeper as of yet. He just keeps them there, stretching him slightly open and twisting them around with the same steady, practiced motions he’s displayed so far.

“You’re so relaxed.” Jaebum lets him know and even though Youngjae is almost certain that can’t be right with how nervous he is, he doesn’t answer. His entire brain capacity is needed to focus on the feeling of Jaebum’s fingers inside him and how they stretch him just right, at least for now. He feels arousal trickle down to his dick and he’s probably getting hard already, just from his rim being played with. But to his defense, it is different from doing it himself, because he is not actually doing anything and he doesn’t know what happens next or what to expect and that thought is exhilarating.

And on top of that Jaebum just seems to know what he needs, or what he likes, or maybe every human is the same in that regard? Jaebum must have plenty of experience then. He twists his fingers around and pushes them a little deeper, carefully, but steady. “You feel really nice, Youngjae...” Jaebum mumbles, so quiet it may have just been him talking to himself. The way his fingers are angled, he can now bend them and push them down and have Youngjae realize that fingering another person actually gives you so much better access it’s unfair. And speaking of access, Jaebum’s other hand is still cupped around his cheek and by now it’s not nearly as embarrassing when he squeezes it a little harder and pulls it apart, baring him further.

Jaebum does bend his fingers as he slides them fully inside, only letting Youngjae know that he’s maxed out when he feels the rest of his hand bump into his rim. He’s tickling his insides deliciously and against logic, Youngjae feels himself relax, lean in to the feel of it. He feels Jaebum’s fingers wiggle inside him, putting gentle pressure against his walls in just the right way. This is good, he thinks. Just like last time where he was nervous but it actually turned out to be just good. The anticipation rises inside him and at the same time Jaebum gets a little more bold, pulling his fingers out, though not all the way thankfully and pushing back in. It would be a stretch to call it thrusting, but damn, it feels good. Youngjae doesn’t notice the sigh he releases until it’s too late and buries his face in the soft pillow.

“Is good, yeah?” He hears Jaebum’s quiet voice and nods, rubbing his face into the fabric. The pillow however, cannot wholly swallow the small squeak that he emits when Jaebum scissors his fingers and spreads him further, the stretch having tingling pleasure curl between his legs. “Youngjae...” Jaebum breathes out and he can’t determine its meaning and nothing follows but another twist of his pokey fingers. Youngjae squirms a bit, because he’s really getting hard now and the mattress presses around his dick, adding extra pleasure to the whole ordeal.

Jaebum’s fingers slip out and he grumbles, he means to say that that wasn’t enough when he hears the squelchy sound of the lube again and just a moment later the fingers are back, pressing against his rim, actually cold this time making him shudder, but also it’s three of them now. While he is careful he doesn’t hesitate to push them all past his entrance and when Youngjae’s hole stretches open to accommodate them, he can’t suppress the tiny moan. He shivers and his toes curl as his muscles tense. God, he’s itching for it. The stretch is so good and Jaebum keeps on pressing until they’re all the way inside. “Still good?” He inquires only when they’re fully seated and Youngjae nods again.

Youngjae’s had  _so_ much trouble to get off from just fingering himself when he needed to, but now he thinks, like this, he might. There is just something about it being someone else’s hand that gives it another edge. It feels so good, not having to work for it, not having to twist his arms and bend into weird positions, but to just lie there, rather comfortable and still feeling all the pleasure from the stretch and the pressure against his insides and Jaebum is really going for it. Youngjae is way past what would be needed to prepare him for penetration and with how experienced he must be, Jaebum must know that. But he keeps on sliding in and out and pressing deep into him until he can feel his third knuckle drag against his stretched out rim. Youngjae moans more than just that one time, but it’s hard to hold them back when it feels that good. When he’s fully hard by now and pleasure and arousal buzzing in his veins to wake up every nerve in his body to respond.

Youngjae has to finally take his face back out of the pillow because he feels like he’s lacking oxygen, but he still keeps it tightly tucked against his chest while his front rubs subtly against the sheets. And Jaebum hasn’t even started yet.

He bends his fingers again, not like before where he was just twisting and feeling around. He crooks them all the way until they bump into his prostate and Youngjae chokes out a curse as searing pleasure courses through his body. “Fuck, Hyung.” He yelps, muscles contracting and dragging his hard cock against the mattress. “Oh shit.” He hears in response, yet he can feel his fingertips deliberately prod his sweet spot again and like on instinct he buries in the pillow once more, maybe he’s pushing back against the stimulation, but he’s not sure because the arousal sets his body on fire. He feels Jaebum shift, hears the sheets crinkle, but he can’t focus, because he keeps pressing, nudging and Youngjae’s cock jumps against the mattress while he moans into the pillow. “Hyung.” He cries out again, feeling his muscles tense. He didn’t know just getting fingered could be this intense. His fingertips dig into the pillow for support. It’s been forever since he would orgasm from fingers alone, but now that he could it would be tragic.

“Hyung, I’m ready.” He groans whiny and gets the answer in the form of a gentler, lighter brush against his sensitive prostate. He moans as his muscles tense in frustration. “Hyung.” He complains. “Jae” Jaebum answers in the same tone. “You’re so incredibly sensitive...” He explains his ministrations, caressing his insides with his fingertips. “You know how fascinating that is?” A warm shudder travels through Youngjae’s body. No, he doesn’t. But he wouldn’t mind being fascinating if it didn’t mean Jaebum teasing him instead of pounding him into oblivion like last time as he hoped. His hips churn and shift on the bed and he buries his face with grumbles and whines. “If I did this… for longer, would you come?” Jaebum asks and it sounds so academic, Youngjae’s arousal deflates noticeably. He still nods, face rubbing against the rough pillow. He would, though, it would be an unsatisfying orgasm, a low simmering heat instead of a mind-blanking high. 

He wants Jaebum’s dick, he really does, but his fingers are just pleasurable enough for him to not want to get up or draw out of reach. He can feel his thumb against his taint, stimulating his outside along with his inside, just shying away from his balls as teasingly as everything about this. Then his fingers still, but they don’t slip out, even when he can hear the click of the lube package or feel the cold dribble of it running down his crack making him flinch. The extra wet slide when Jaebum pulls his fingers almost out and slips them back in fully seems even more naughty. Youngjae notices that he’s burning, his strands sweaty where they’re caught between his forehead and the pillow. His length is aching in its confinement against the mattress. How long has this been going for? He rubs his front against the textile not very subtly, not for release, just for a slight shimmer of relief.

“Impatient?” Is there a tease in Jaebum’s voice? The audacity. Youngjae means to snap something back, but just then, finally, Jaebum pulls his fingers free, not very gently and the words leave his throat as a suppressed moan instead. “Ready?” He hears him ask gently as he wipes off his soiled fingers on the bedsheets before they find his hips, adjusting them to his liking. “I was half an hour ago.” Youngjae snipes back after all, but his voice cracks as he does. “Are you?!”

He can feel the entirety of Jaebum’s body as he leans down over him and his face comes up to the side of his own. “More than.” He whispers darkly and Youngjae didn’t expect it and it unsettles him a little. Was fingering him sexy enough for Jaebum that it got him hard in the meantime? Or did Jaebum secretly stroke himself? It shouldn’t concern him, he thinks, as long as he  _is_ ready, but it does anyways.

Feeling Jaebum’s tip brush his entrance has his excitement skyrocket. He positively moans in excitement alone, because the memories of how it felt are still so recent and so vivid. It’s easy and Jaebum seems to finally be over the part where he’s wasting time, pushing inside consistently. Youngjae had a lot of prep and the slide is wet, but Jaebum still feels big when he enters him. His girth is perfect he realizes again, stretching him just the right amount, a slight itch that doubles with every bit he inches forward. “How can you still be so tight, Jae-ah?” Jaebum mourns and it’s still near his ear and has goosebumps tickle down his back. Youngjae’s cock would jump happily if it had space, but like this it just strains against the mattress while he’s stretched open and filled good.

Jaebum might be saying more, but the words are too jumbled to understand, soft moans scattered in between as he starts sliding in and out of him. It’s too little, too gentle, Youngjae wants to be overwhelmed again, wants the sensations to drown him out and let him vanish in his own pleasure. “No more teasing, Hyunnnggg…” He complains, hugging the pillow tight in frustration. “Tease?” Jaebum huffs against his skin. “’m jus’ being careful….” Youngjae lifts his head entirely off the pillow and if he had more freedom of movement, he’d turn it. “Then be less so.” He breathes out exhaustively. It’s barely a second before that same breath is punched from his lungs in a moan as Jaebum snaps his hips. “Yes sir.” He grumbles only after and follows with another one.

Youngjae’s body shivers in delight of the sudden motions, hips adjusting the angle on instinct until it feels just right, his flesh opening up for the pressure and the pleasure of what he yearned for the past days. Only now he realizes how much, now that Jaebum thrusts inside him and sets his nerves on fire. The knees firm on the mattress give Jaebum a significant amount of leverage to rock forward, into him, lay him bare and consume him. His face doesn’t move away from the position by his ear and so Youngjae can hear everything, every little moan, every half-swallowed word and every “Jae-ah” jumbled in between them and it’s so hot. Jaebum sounds so hot like this, needier by the second, like his world is crumbling just as Youngjae’s, like he gets lost in it the same way he does, pleasure upon pleasure upon pleasure.

Youngjae knows he’s making sounds, but he can’t hear them over everything going on, over the squeak of the bed frame and over the involuntary way he pushes his head into the pillow over and over again, just to tear it back up as he can’t breathe. He buries his face as a particularly well angled thrust has his muscles contract and the fabric swallows the ragged moan accompanying it, but Jaebum’s relentless motions have the next one come even sharper, even deeper and he feels he’s suffocating, stretching his neck as he spills lewd noises  and gasps for air. It’s just so good, he can’t help it. He’s never gonna go back. He dares not to think about it, can’t if he’s honest, too out of it. But. Subconsciously he’s eager to make the most of it. To not let it go to waste and  _enjoy_ .

He wonders mildly how much Jaebum is exerting himself, his thrusts rough and fast-paced, digging into Youngjae’s insides and not letting him breathe. He can’t hold against it in his position, flat on the mattress with no leverage or strength to push back, which is nice but strange. A constant drag against his sweet spot unlike the dead-on push he remembers from last time, it’s the kind that drives him wild, always on the verge of not enough that accumulates in a slow but steady build of blinding pleasure.  His body rubs along the sheets from the sheer force of it and it adds stimulation to his cock in the same way he gets when he’s humping a pillow while riding a toy. It’s the same and yet not even at all. It’s all more, all bigger, all just a bit more intense and not just because Jaebum is so fucking hot and so damn big and so durable.

His hips stagger, Youngjae can feel it, the slight hiccups in pace and the shaking of his arms and the choked moans in his ear that come with hot breath and an occasional word he can make out. “You… You...” He, Youngjae thinks deliriously, mentally begging him to hold on, just a bit more as he allows the tension in his muscles to rise, focusing on the pressure inside him. His conscious mind has long blacked out, reeling in the blissful blankness.  He’s stopped thinking, limited to feel, and feel he does.

T he jittery motions of Jaebum’s hips, the sensitivity of his prostate sending shockwaves through his system, the rough textile of the bedsheets, the goosebumps of his skin, the shivers, the heat, the  _sensations_ . He’s positive that he’s seeing stars when he finally comes, bright flickering lights in the black void that is his mind, breathtaking  relief that has his body shake and dirty the sheets beneath him. His muscles tense and release and through the buzzing in his ears he can hear Jaebum’s shaky groans as he gets him through it, through and beyond, thrusting, stimulating, rearranging his guts painfully good and Youngjae is still moaning, still not down  and he couldn’t do that himself.

He’s certain he fused to the pillow he’s clutching by the time Jaebum’s stuttering hips come to a full halt deeply lodged inside him, his own cock trembling weekly in it’s own wet mess and he feels him come with every nerve in his body  as he moans wildly and fills his insides.

  
  


Youngjae is going to be addicted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are just gonna say 'Poor JB' again and he has it so good! xD


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interlude chapter :/ Gonna be getting steamy soon, big promise.

Youngjae wakes up with warm, gentle sunlight falling on his face. He blinks, yawns. When he stretches, a white fluffy head pokes up next to his pillow and Coco jumps to her feet at finding him awake, little tail wagging in joy and she scuttles in for kisses against his face. These are the best mornings, he thinks, while snuggling Coco and enjoying the warmth and comfort of his own bedroom as opposed to those stupid hotel beds.

It’s a comfy morning, seamlessly transcending into a comfy day. He walks Coco, cooks lunch, watches a movie and doesn’t look at a clock for like, the entire day. After such a stressful event like a world tour, having time off is crucial. He enjoys it tremendously, catches up with friends and plays his RPG. Over the course of the next few days he gradually gets back into work. Slowly schedules start filling up his calendar until he finds himself dropping Coco off at the daycare, eating out for time-saving reasons and, most of all, text the members.

They have some sort of unwritten rule, to update one another on their doings, their schedules, their solo work. Just to make sure they’re all up to date on what their members are doing, but also to support one another, cheer them on, things like that. They don’t contact all that much outside of group activities, not because they dislike each other’s company, just because when you’ve spent _so_ much time together, squeezed into small spaces and work and socialize for such a long time and as tightly as you do on a tour – a bit of space is something every person needs, especially if you want to keep up a good relationship.

Youngjae doesn’t usually miss his members and if he does, he texts them back and forth a bit between schedules. It usually is enough for the time being, until they meet for work again anyways. Or meet for some other reason somewhere around the company.

Youngjae being at home, in his own four walls with all the privacy an internationally successful idol can have, also means a lot of time and space for his more private activities. Which he takes full advantage of and it’s fine. It really is. Not perfect, but he’s doing okay. He feels unimaginably horny though, unsure if it’s because of the long abstinence or because it’s never… It’s satisfying really, just never… never just right. He’s at it daily, really, to the point where he’s ashamed of himself, even though nobody knows and there’s nobody to judge him. Except Coco. He thinks he sees disdain in her black puppy eyes when he turns up the volume of the music, just in case the walls are thinner than he thinks. “Don’t.” He tells her with a pout. “I’m just a man. You wouldn’t understand.” Coco barks.

Luckily he’s kept busy otherwise. Work. Schedules. The usual stuff. To an unusual amount though. Which is nice, but he’d secretly been thinking about asking Jaebum for…. Well some sort of meet-up. He’s not sure and in some way he’s glad he doesn’t find the time while on the other hand he’s actually missing him, unsure when he became so attached and clingy. It’s messy inside his brain. It gets even messier when one day he’s at the company and he’s trotting down a hallway staring down at the stack of paper in his hands and bumps into something.

If he were in a drama, it’d have been the romantic lead he crashed into, handsome, charismatic; and he, the fumbly, awkward protagonist would drop his papers that’d go flying all across the floor and he’d babble embarrassingly, go bright red as he attempts to pick them all up. Maybe his future love interest would kneel down to help him and their heads would thump against one another to make them fall back and cry out and end up giggling.

Well, he’s not a drama-character and real life people don’t just throw things they’re holding because they stumbled. He also didn’t run straight up into a slow-motion reveal shot of his unrealistically gorgeous will-they-won’t-they romantic interest for the next 12 episodes. It’s just Jaebum. Which… He contemplates thoughtfully, would probably count as just that for many people. He’d bet his supreme collection that there’s a handful of Ahgase-written fanfiction happening just like that, with Jaebum the tsundere boyfriend who seems hard to approach, but has a heart of gold.

“Earth to Youngjae.” He hears Jaebum’s voice and shakes out of his thoughts to find a hand waving in front of his face. “Huh?” He makes. “Hi.” “Hey.” Jaebum laughs, making his eyes crease in that cute way they do. “Where were you?” Youngjae waves his papers around pointing behind him. “With manager. We were just talking about…” “I meant with your head?” Jaebum interrupts him with a chuckle and taps his index finger against his forehead. “Oh… eh…. Drama?” He mumbles, because he can’t really describe his thought process now can he? “Oh, yeah, congrats to that.” Jaebum says with an even bigger smile. It takes Youngjae a moment to grasp it. “Ah… yeah you… you said that, but thanks.” Jaebum’s lips draw into a pout. “Not in person I have.” He answers, referring to the texts he sent congratulating Youngjae for landing an acting role. He shrugs. “Well, thanks.” It’s somewhat awkward. Why is this awkward?

“You’re very busy, huh?” Jaebum asks and his voice got quieter, smile flickering. Youngjae nods. “You are, too, aren’t you?” He gives back, noticing that he’s crumbling the paper and stills his hands consciously. Jaebum nods back. “I guess.” “Yeah, cool.” Youngjae says, then a sudden thought saves him. “Oh, by the way, uh we were gonna meet up with the guys on Saturday. “Yugyeom and me and Jinyoung-Hyung is coming. What about you?” “Ah.” He sees Jaebum’s face fall. “Oh no, I can’t.” He pouts. Is he pouting? “You’re coming, too, huh? Unfortunately I’m busy on the weekend…” He trails off. Why does his bottom lip look so chewable?

“How about…” “Should we…” they start speaking at the same time and inevitably quiet. Jaebum lifts his hands, puts his one index against his own lips and points the other at him. It makes Youngjae laugh softly and he watches Jaebum grin. “Should we make up for it some other time?” Jaebum’s eyes narrow. “That sounds awfully noncommittal.” He gives back, confusingly. “How about.” He keeps going. “Next week? Tuesday?” Youngjae thinks for a moment. “Uh. I think I’m free.” The corners of Jaebum’s mouth quirk up. “I know.” He says. Youngjae blinks. “Okay?”

Jaebum pats him on the shoulder. “I’m coming over, okay?” he says, then a little quieter. “Just the two of us.” Youngjae can’t discern whether it’s an order or a question, he just nods. Then Jaebum pats him again, slips past him and then he’s on his way, leaving a confused Youngjae behind.

  
  


“Who are you and what have you done to my leader?” Youngjae asks with raised brows when he opens the door, finding a glammed-up Jaebum in front of it. “What are you talking about?” He frowns back and slithers past him into his apartment, while giving him a quick but tight hug on the go, greeting a tail-wiggling Coco enthusiastically. It’s not like Jaebum should be her favourite non-daddy member, considering Yugyeom is much cuter with her, but Jaebum has a habit of bribing her, which he does now. The chewing bone is bigger than her tiny snout and she chomps it happily, running off with her treasure to chew it in peace on her bed.

Jaebum stands up straight just when Youngjae flings the door shut. He doesn’t look like Jaebum. He’s way too…. Groomed. Of course, Youngjae knows what he looks like when he’s dolled up and everything, but that’s GOT7 Jaebum, not… Hang out and eat junk-food Jaebum. He would normally show up on Youngjae’s doorstep in ragged sweatpants and a way too oversized shirt. Not the cute-sexy kind of oversized, just… way too long and unshapely. Plus a roughly 80% chance of a funky hat. He wears neither. He’s wearing jeans and a fitted sweater and even accessories, earring and rings and a necklace and even, Youngjae notices, his eye piercing. His hair is done. Youngjae would assume he’s coming from some schedule, which of course would make sense, but despite his shaven skin, he’s not wearing make-up.

“What’s wrong?” He’s torn from his thoughts and shakes his head. Whatever.

  
  


Jaebum insists. “No, you see, the reviews are _fantastic_! It’s a masterpiece. I know you’re never gonna watch this movie on your own, but it would be a shame if you didn’t see it.” Of course he insists on watching a horror movie. Youngjae sulks. He’d hoped to win some rounds on the Switch, because winning is fun and Jaebum becomes so wonderfully pouty when he loses in succession. “If you can beat me in smash, I’ll watch the movie with you.” Youngjae suggests, crossing his arms. “If you watch the movie with me, you get to beat my ass in smash.” Jaebum copies his gesture, but there’s a hint of a sly grin on his face instead of Youngjae’s frown. He relents with a huff. “Fine.”

It probably actually is a good movie, Youngjae thinks, peeking through a crack between his fingers. He can admit that despite seeing only a fraction of everything going on. Jaebum doesn’t seem to give a flying. He munches some popcorn he’d brought, hidden under his jacket. He offered Youngjae the bag, but he’d just shaken his head with tight lips. He hates Jaebum sometimes. The ghost on screen sneaks up on the main character. She screams and so does Youngjae, a whiny, pitiful cry as he shuts his eyes and covers them fully. Coco cries too and jumps to her feet, poking him with her cold nose in worry. She’d curled up between them, comfortably lodged between their thighs, now she excitedly bounces about.

“Daddy is just a little scaredy-cat” Jaebum soothes her and switches her out for the Popcorn bag, fluffing her on his lap. “You can look again.” He lets him know. He’s so nonchalant about it and Youngjae just knows he’s secretly having a blast. He loves it a bit too much when Youngjae is frightened. “Sicko.” Youngjae complains and Coco barks in agreement.

“Are you okay?” Jaebum asks. Coco now sleeps peacefully by Youngjae’s side. “No.” He pouts, grumpily eyeing the screen where the credits roll. He’d refused to watch the last scene, but he knows from the noise effects and music, that there was one of those open-ended, the-monster-isn’t-actually-dead-after-all, final-jumpscare endings. He prefers movies that end on a happy note. Jaebum chuckles. “Actually.” He speaks and his voice is suddenly serious. “I don’t mean because of the movie. I’ve been wanting to ask you that all this time… I mean because of… You know?”

It actually takes Youngjae’s brain quite a while to click and he feels hot, when he thinks Jaebum might be talking about… A different kind of PG-18. It was easy to forget what they’d been up to not long ago and even easier to forget what caused their doing in the first place. It all seems to be so long ago and the sudden change in topic flusters him. “What?” He gives back anyways. If Jaebum wants to know about his masturbatory life, he’ll have to speak it out loud. He sighs. “Can we talk about it?” He asks and when Youngjae glances over to him he finds him staring at the TV-screen with empty eyes. Youngjae shrugs, more on instinct.

Finally he picks up a piece of Popcorn, but as he chews it realizes he doesn’t want to eat it at all. “Are you trying to get out of Smash by changing the topic?” He questions, more cheeky than he feels. The smirk on Jaebum’s lips and the fact that he turns to look at him eases his mind a lot. “Maybe.” He admits. “But I also… Want to know if you’re doing better now. Since you’re so busy recently, I just… I’ve been wondering if you… Dunno… Had time to get laid? So you wouldn’t, you know…” He bites his lips. Youngjae licks his own as he watches him and he realizes there’s a sore spot. Of course. Of course there is. He sees that Jaebum’s eyes are glued to it.

He doesn’t know what to make of it. Is Jaebum still worried? What does he think he’s going to achieve by always bringing it up? Again and again and never letting it go? Youngjae shrugs. “I’m fine I guess.” Jaebum sighs. “That’s not what I asked, but… okay.” He turns back to stare at the rolling credits. Youngjae thinks they’re through, but they’re not. “Did you?” Jaebum presses, not looking at him. “Did I what?” Youngjae snipes back. He’s confused, he doesn’t know why Jaebum is so insistent. “Get laid…?” He doesn’t retort with the same amount of frustration, his voice is quiet. Youngjae doesn’t answer. He’s confused.

Jaebum glances at him again, not angry or nosy, just sort of… shy? There’s a slight sheepishness playing around his lips and he scratches behind his ear. “I…” He takes a deep breath. “Haven’t.” It takes Youngjae way too long to understand what he’s saying, luckily Jaebum doesn’t let the implication hang in the air. “I’ve been super busy and… I wasn’t really… It’s not only about not finding the time, I also thought… It was nice before and… there’s a certain comfort in knowing each other well…” It trickles through to Youngjae’s brain and immediately further down, he shivers when the tickling sensation travels along his skin. “If you want to maybe… continue what we’ve started on tour I would…” Jaebum shrugs helplessly and he feels some sort of sympathy for his stuttering insecurity. “Only if it would be cool with you of course, there’s no pressure at all. I just think it would be very convenient and all, so…”

Now the words _are_ dangling. Youngjae doesn’t mean to let him hang, but he’s still processing. “I have plenty of time.” He finally says. He means his solo activities, not the scheduled ones, but he thinks Jaebum understands it differently. “Oh. Okay. Of course. If you have someone… or several, I don’t know, I don’t…” A shaky, quick breath, “care… just. Nevermind. If you ever feel like… Just… I’m… there.” He finishes pretty lame, then shakes his head. Why he looks so disappointed? “Someone?” Youngjae questions, pondering. “I usually masturbate.” He’s surprised about himself to speak it out that easily, maybe it’s Jaebum’s stuttering that makes him feel more confident. “I don’t have _someone_ .” He emphasizes. Wasn’t it Jaebum who had before confessed that he usually has sex outside of tour? _He_ never said that. He watches his eyes grow wide. “Oh… Of course, sorry. Oh my god.” Finally he gives in, throws himself down onto the sofa and hides his face in the cushions. “I wouldn’t mind continuing what we started on tour.” He repeats, muffled by the fabric. “Everything else is up to you. I don’t want to meddle in your sex life in any way.”

Youngjae thinks about the toys innocently packed away in his bedroom drawer at the very moment. They’re supposed to be everything he needs. He tried to not think about missing something, even though deep down he knew it was true. Jaebum offers him the way out. He knows he wants to take it. He shrugs as nonchalant as possible. “Sure, why not.”

Jaebum’s twisting and rubbing his face against the sofa stops. Then he perks up. “Yeah?” Youngjae tries a smile because that normally helps. “You just never forget that _you_ offered. I don’t want to have a bad conscience one day because you regret it, or… something like that.” Jaebum shakes his head, surprise written all over his face. “Of course I won’t…” He swallows visibly. “So…” His expression morphs into a wide grin, eyes twinkling in the way it makes Youngjae’s muscles relax. Except that one muscle in the mid of his chest. That one is behaving weird. Jaebum shows his white teeth. “So. Smash?” His eyebrows wiggle suggestively and Youngjae can’t help the laugh bursting out of him. He grabs his only Sofa cushion and throws it on him.

They bicker for a bit. Youngjae isn’t perfectly sure which type of smash Jaebum ultimately referred to and he attempts to tease it out of him before he embarrasses himself. He’d be down with either, but mostly because he hopes they’re gonna do both. After one another, not at the same time though. Also Jaebum doesn’t seem to want to say it outright. So Youngjae changes tactics. “If we do the… Sex again.” He cringes about his wording. _Do the sex._ Pfh. “How would you like to do it?” Jaebum’s attack posture deflates into something softer when he blinks at him thoughtfully. “What do you mean?” He asks.

Youngjae takes a deep breath and sorts his thoughts to word it a little prettier. “These last times, I asked you for it. And. So we did it, kind of the way I wanted.” He realizes that they are looking at each other, eyes locked and he’s both surprised and proud that it doesn’t make him blush. “Now you asked.” He emphasizes. “So. Maybe you would also like to make the call.” He weighs his head. “Like you tried touching me.” He points at his crotch. “If that’s what you’re into or… I mean I still mostly like the… uh. Butt, but. I would also like to do something for you, so if you have any kink…” That’s where he’s finally out of breath and stops.

Jaebum’s eyes shyly dart away. “Kink?” He asks. “That’s a bit… I don’t think we’re there yet, to discuss kinks…” “Oh.” Youngjae breathes out. He didn’t know that. He makes a mental note to look up the definition of kink again. “I meant. Taking you up my butt was basically all I wanted, because that’s how I like it, but if there are other ways to have sex that you would like to do… I’m open for it.” He pauses. “I’d at least like to hear it. Then we can see?” He suggests.

Jaebum scratches his cheek cutely, His eyes find him again but he looks a bit sheepish. “Actually. I would really like to. Like. Really have sex with you.” Youngjae shudders. He wouldn’t admit out loud how good it feels to hear Jaebum say that. “Okay.” He answers as collected as possible. “I know, but. How?” He watches Jaebum shake his head. “No. I mean. Really. Not in the quickie, hook-up way we did before. I mean, like, actual sex.” Youngjae assumes that the confusion is written openly on his face, because Jaebum sighs.

“Look.” He states after a pause. “It’s not about… How should I put it. I mean, it doesn’t have to mean… things, I just like it more…” He clears his throat. “Romantic, I guess.” Their eye contact breaks again. “Even with non-serious, uh, people. It’s just the way I like it.” Youngjae ponders. Well, it hasn’t been very romantic, he muses. Remembers how he first thought of it as two-party masturbation, sure. But it felt so intimate, didn’t it? Was the sex not sex enough?

“I don’t know what that… means.” He confesses awkwardly. “It means touching. Foreplay.” Jaebum chews on his bottom lip. “Potentially kissing.” He shrugs. Foreplay. Youngjae thinks, seems like a valid request. Except, he has absolutely zero experience with that. Does Jaebum know that? He knows that, right? He shrugs too, a bit more helpless. “I don’t know how…” He admits eventually. Jaebum looks like he has a toothache. “Oh…” He makes and it’s quiet again. “I didn’t know… do you always do it like _that_?” Youngjae huffs. “You should know.” Jaebum rolls his eyes “I mean in general. With other people normally? I mean, you said to attempt going at it my way and that’s my way, but if you don’t want it we don’t have to, that’s like the whole point of talking about it.”

Youngjae feels some sort of anger bubbling in his stomach. Sometimes he thinks Jaebum either doesn’t listen to, or purposefully misunderstands him. “I didn’t say I don’t want to try.” He gives back with a frown. “I said I don’t know how. I’ve never done anything else than what we did. Stop talking about other people.” The following silence hangs thick. “Youngjae…” Jaebum speaks calmly, quietly, soft. “What about your first time… Your very first time…?” “Hyung you were _there_.” He huffs in response and throws himself back into the sofa with his arms crossed staring straight ahead at the Netflix menu flickering on the TV. “’t wasn’t even that long ago.”

He feels a gentle touch on his elbow and on instinct he flinches, but it’s just Jaebum’s palm laying against his arm. “Youngjae-ah…” He murmurs. “I had no idea.” Youngjae is still looking at the hand connected to his elbow. “No idea about what?” He asks. “About that being your first…” Jaebum squirms, Youngjae frowns. “I said, so, didn’t I?” He watches Jaebum’s wide eyes and slightly parted lips. “Didn’t I?” He repeats, but now questioning himself. Jaebum shakes his head slowly. “No. No. You said you’re sexually frustrated, so I assumed it was…” “Because I couldn’t masturbate.” Youngjae clarifies. “Because I had no… You know?” He points his index finger towards his own butt. If it’s possible, Jaebum’s eyes get even wider. “Oh.” He breathes out and if Youngjae isn’t mistaken, his ears turn a little reddish. Which is ridiculous. Jaebum’s been in his butt on two different occasions with his own dick. This can’t be too shocking, can it?

“Youngjae I really…” Jaebum’s hand eventually falls away from his arm, leaving it to cool quickly. “I misunderstood everything… I’m so sorry.” Youngjae feels like pouting. Like, thoroughly, with sticking out his bottom lip and sulking. “Why?” he whines. “It was fine, I don’t know what’s all the drama.” Jaebum shakes his head again. “Your first time should have been a bit more sensual.” He says and his voice is a lot more stable again, but Youngjae rejects. “It was fine.” Finally, there’s a hint of a smile on Jaebum’s face. “Okay.” He says. “If it doesn’t bother you, that’s okay. Still. Detached, quick hook-ups shouldn’t be your only sexual experience.” “I have plenty.” Youngjae throws in and he means it. He knows what he likes, he knows his body, but Jaebum shakes his head yet again. “Okay. But. I think you should have real, passionate, lasting sex for a change and I want it anyways. Let me catch you up, okay?” He looks positively excited and Youngjae feels his frustration melt away. He speaks timidly when he asks. “Does that mean it can still involve you putting it in my butt?” Jaebum nods, a bit feverishly. “Absolutely.” He underlines his gesture.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Porny cliffhanger, because who am I?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go you impatient little horndogs ♥

They have to do it in the bedroom, Jaebum insists on that. Youngjae insists on closing the door in Coco’s face despite her sad winces. Jaebum turns off the ceiling light and switches on Youngjae’s bedside lamp. It’s rather dim, but the glow is warm orangey and Jaebum says it’s perfect when sitting down on his bed, despite wondering how Youngjae can read in bed with such gloomy light. It takes some time to ease the bickering that arises when Youngjae admits that he doesn’t read, but when he grows impatient and attempts to take off his clothes to get things started, Jaebum stops him. “Undressing can be part of it.” He says, then hesitates again. “Youngjae…” He mumbles carefully. “How do you feel about kissing?”

If he’s honest, he doesn’t feel very much about it at all. He’s done it a few times in his life and none left him in any kind of awe. It was just somehow… okay. He doesn’t mind it though and he assumes that’s what Jaebum means, so he shrugs. “Fine, I guess.” He says, but when he watches the shy smile grow on his face that gets closer and closer, he suddenly notices that he’s feeling nervous. Jaebum’s palm is on his elbow again and it strokes up his arm to his shoulder while he leans in. He shudders when the rough, dry fingertips reach the collar of his shirt and find his skin in direct contact. And he doesn’t stop there, but trails them up his neck, causing goosebumps until his warm hand his cradling his head, index finger reaching the hairline in the back of his neck and thumb against his jaw and Youngjae is positively caught.

He feels like they physically got even closer through the touch, but then again, Jaebum’s face is so near his own and partly out of instinct and partly out of embarrassment, Youngjae’s eyes fall shut and only after they do, there’s a sudden, soft pressure against his lips. It’s romantic, it’s sweet, it’s everything kisses are supposed to be, he thinks. Jaebum’s lips are dry, but tender and they nudge his own and his hand holds his head still and angles it to the left. Youngjae’s fingers ball into fists in his lap, unsure what to do with them, while Jaebum leads the kiss, a gentle sway of lips that he accepts, responds. He wonders if he only imagined to have kissed before, because it doesn’t feel like it. It doesn’t feel like he knows kissing, it feels new and somewhat exciting and the tickling warmth does not only capture his lips, but it extends to his skin and down all the way to his stomach.

He hears and feels the shifting Jaebum does, but he doesn’t open his eyes and he involuntarily pushes forward a bit, just to make sure the connection doesn’t break, but Jaebum’s hand his tight against the back of his neck and he holds him close and he scoots even closer if possible and his second arm wraps around him just as his lips part and his tongue darts out to meet Youngjae’s. The shock is intense, a sudden spark of intimacy and possibly arousal that shoots through his body and makes him tingle all over. He digs his fingers into Jaebum’s shirt, somewhere at his waist and holds him tight and allows Jaebum’s tongue to enter his mouth where it plays with his own as if he has no say in it. It feels good, better, he can taste Jaebum’s taste and feel the rigid surface of his tongue against his own and he relishes in the way the soft muscle bends away under his pressure. There is saliva smearing along his lips and it’s a little naughty, but he doesn’t seem to care, too busy finding the ridges and bumps to the point where he pushes back with all his might, chasing Jaebum back behind his teeth and exploring his gums.

There’s a hint of sweetness against his tongue, remains of the caramel popcorn that make Youngjae want to taste him even more and even deeper. And still, it startles him, when he pushes and nudges and there’s a sudden noise, low but distinct, a small grumble from the back of Jaebum’s throat that he swallows with his own. He tears away and his eyes blink open, feeling like he hasn’t seen light in an eternity and feeling even more so like he hasn’t ever seen Jaebum’s face before. His lips are shiny with spit, his own and probably Youngjae’s too, delightfully mixed together like it belongs and his dark eyes are wide and he’s panting roughly. Him, too, Youngjae notices, his chest heaving for air. And only then he realizes they’re already in the middle of it, of what Jaebum wants as he notices the prickling sensation between his legs. Kissing is sexy.

Jaebum leans in again, but not rash or needy, he moves closer and only gently puts their lips together, even when Youngjae’s move on instinct and respond. It’s a chaste, soft kiss and in between he can hear and feel his breath ghost over his face and then Jaebum’s hand moves down to the small of his back and slides underneath his shirt. He shudders violently, surprising himself when the warm fingers come in contact with his bare skin, not like Jaebum hasn’t touched his naked body before, but now it’s so different, it’s so heated and he feels raw under his touch as if his naked back was the most intimate place to touch and he has the undefeatable urge to mirror it. He licks against Jaebum’s lips, trying to find his tongue again and shoves his hands under the hem of his shirt, both against his waist and from there he drags one palm behind and up his back, drawing the shirt along and the other up the front, feeling his stomach, thumb catching in his navel for a moment before he finds his pretty little pecs.

Youngjae’s tongue finally finds its way back into Jaebum’s mouth, but only because his teeth part in a sinful moan, the same kind he made when he was to the hilt buried in his ass and the sound and the wet heat of his mouth have Youngjae’s cock stir inside his pants. It’s hot. He’s hot. This is hot. Why would anyone want to have detached quickies as Jaebum called them, if they have the chance at real sex, he wonders. That alone should have given Jaebum the required clue about how clueless he is. Jaebum’s short nails prick the skin on his back and neck and their mouths lose contact when Jaebum angles his head, leaving a wet streak on both their cheeks when his warm lips travel along the side of Youngjae’s face until they’re pressing to a spot right next to his ear. They’re moving, like open mouthed little kisses and along with it Jaebum shifts again and his thighs crawl over his own until there’s no more room for his hand squeezing Jaebum’s chest and he has to take it away, he ends up straddling his lap and their fronts squish together and there’s sudden, delightful and torturous pressure against his crotch. Youngjae releases a sound he didn’t mean to, because it feels so good and Jaebum is so close and warm and tight and his wet lips move and peck against the side of his neck.

The sensations are overwhelming, Youngjae doesn’t know where his hands are, just feels soft skin under them and breathes in the scent of Jaebum’s hair and feels rough palms against his neck and endless pressure against his hardening dick. Jaebum’s breath is loud in his ear, the tickling sensation spreading from where his lips are touching him and he knows he’s making another noise, but he’s not ashamed, because Jaebum moaned too and he makes a soft little ‘Ah’ near his ear. “Youngjae…” He breathes right there into his skin and his crotch tingles over it, the sensual voice saying his name like that and then their contact breaks. Youngjae wants to complain, but Jaebum is tearing away at his clothes, drawing his shirt up and he allows it to slip over his head, cool air caressing his heated skin and a moment later Jaebum attacks him again. His lips connect to him like they’re magnetic, brushing his neck and throat and not only them, but his perky, hot tongue as well, licking wet stripes and then his lips attach to his collarbone and suck and Youngjae hears himself moan through the fog in his mind and he doesn’t know what exactly, but he knows he wants.

His own hands grasp feverishly for the fabric around Jaebum’s body and pull and tug until he manages to get his shirt up over his head that plops out on the other side with disheveled hair and glowing cheeks, looking handsome as ever and yet better, new and seductive. This is what sex does to you, he thinks, grabs him by the cheeks and pulls his face in for more kisses. He won’t grow tired of it soon he assumes distractedly, enjoying the way Jaebum pushes back against his tongue and invades his mouth and licks and his hands roam his naked torso, leaving trails of flames in their wake, burning through his skin and making him sweat and freeze at the same time. Either way, he feels the goosebumps rise all over his body and he might be shivering, too. Jaebum’s hand strokes up the side of his waist and it’s splayed out so his thumb wanders up his front and there it catches against a new and unique part of Youngjae’s body that he’s never been aware of so much before. The sensation has him shudder, when the rough pad of Jaebum’s thumb brushes his nipple and even though he can’t see or feel it with his own hand, he knows that it’s stiff, just as perked up as the goosebumps covering his skin.

He inhales a harsh breath out of surprise and surprising arousal. He has stimulated his own nipples before, it’s not like he doesn’t know they can be sexual, but it’s so different when it’s another person doing it, like with the fingering, and everything else that seems to be entirely new when Jaebum does it. He keeps his thumb there, doesn’t simply brush past, but pushes against it, rubs it and plays with it and Youngjae’s pants feel so tight with the newfound pleasure that’s clouding his senses.

He doesn’t know what to do, he wants to do something, but he’s feeling overwhelmed and helpless, out of instinct he bites down on his bottom lip, how he always does when the pleasure is intense but ultimately unsatisfying. Except, his front teeth don’t find his own bottom lip, but Jaebum’s instead. He feels it give, squish under the blunt end of his incisors and despite the regret poking him, he gasps in arousal. He would apologize if given the chance, but he isn’t because despite pulling his mouth out of reach, Jaebum moans softly and his index comes to join the naughty thumb still stimulating his nipple and they squeeze the stiff nub in between, causing Youngjae to answer the moan with his own. His head falls back, just a little and clinging tight to Jaebum’s naked torso his hips attempt to lift off the mattress to get more pressure against the already tightly fitting body, despite the fact there is no more, Jaebum’s weight keeping him down and secure.

His head leans in rashly, against the side of his neck like he did before and the imprinted lips attach to a piece of skin, sucking it into the wet heat of his mouth as if he wanted to eat him and while Youngjae regrets the loss of contact to his sensitive nipple when Jaebum’s hands slide behind his back, he doesn’t have any time to protest, because Jaebum pushes him backwards, caught securely in his arms and forces him to sink back between the sheets.

Youngjae feels exposed and vulnerable when he comes to lie on his back with his naked chest and Jaebum enthroned on his upper thighs, but in a strange way it’s a good thing, despite the pressure against his crotch lessening – or maybe because of that. It allows him to breathe and he thinks he hasn’t done that in a while and he’s heaving to catch up on oxygen while Jaebum’s lips travel down from his collarbones to his chest and they find the other nipple that had previously been neglected and if he thought having them massaged by finger was great, feeling the wet, hot tongue against the hard nub is a thousand times better. Youngjae’s hands -he doesn’t know where they’ve been- come up to dig into Jaebum’s hair, clinging to his scalp as if his life depended on it. His nipple is so sensitive and it sends wave after wave of pleasure through his system, as if he was charged with electricity and every flick of tongue a small shock that has his trapped cock strain against the pressure.

He wants to do something, he so desperately wants to do something, but he doesn’t know what and he can’t move because he’s so confined and as much as he relishes in the pleasure Jaebum’s tongue elicits against his chest he tugs at his hair to pull his head up. He might’ve been a little harsh, but Jaebum’s wet mouth releases an equally wet moan when his pushy lips detach from his soaked nipple and he finds his eyes, glossy and narrow and so pretty. Youngjae forgets what he wanted, opens his mouth to say something, but can’t for the life of him remember what that was supposed to be, so he just pulls his head up and seals those shiny lips in another wet kiss.

As their tongues dance and Jaebum’s body sinks down on him, their naked chests bumping together, it comes naturally how Youngjae strokes his hands down his naked back, feels soft skin and the rough denim when he reaches his waistband, cupping his cheeks in his palms and propping one leg up between his legs. Jaebum’s body jerks forward, endless pressure everywhere when he shifts and groans into his mouth.

Fuck Jaebum for having to wear jeans as opposed to the inofficially required lazy sweats, too rough and too restrictive. Youngjae shoves his hands between them, a bit uncoordinated and there’s no space and fumbles for the button digging into his crotch. Their lips part from their messy kiss, Youngjae can hear his rough pants in his ears as he struggles with the other rough pants. “Okay…” He thinks he hears and then mourns the sudden loss of contact when Jaebum sits up shakily. Their fingers bump together in a tangle when Jaebum means to help him with the jeans, but Youngjae is too uncoordinated to let go, clinging to the fabric as if it gives him life.

Jaebum’s short, slender fingers curl around his wrists and pull at them, Youngjae grumbles upon it, but then the grasp is gone and he hears and sees and feels with his entire body Jaebum’s jeans pop open. The bulge underneath, tenting the solid-colour panties out of the crack like a portal to another dimension that has Youngjae’s body shudder, his groin ache in want. He’s seen it, before, naked even, but there’s something deliciously naughty about the semi-hiddenness, constrained within his questionable choice in legwear. Youngjae reaches for it again, so much less fabric in the way he feels it pulse under his fingertips, feels its warmth and Jaebum moans softly. When Youngjae’s gaze flickers up he finds his eyes closed in bliss. Youngjae pushes himself up again, too far away, too hard to reach and digs his hand inside the underwear, watches how it vanishes out of view, but how he can feel the full, rock-hard glory of Jaebum’s cock in his palm. His eyes are still closed, he’s still gasping, wet lips parted.

Youngjae wraps he free arm around his torso and moves in, smushing his hand between them, but not so much that he can’t hold him tight anymore and he surges in to place his mouth on the bared expanse of Jaebum’s neck. His skin is soft and salty under his tongue, he can feel the thrumming of his pulse and flexing muscles all while Jaebum moans in his ear like he’s having the best of days. It’s hot, it is really hot and he regrets how much their last sexual encounters were all about him. He plays with his dick within the constraints of the pants and their bodies, but he doesn’t have the goal to jerk him off anyways. He just wants to, he realizes, just drive him wild.

He feels Jaebum’s palms on his skin, erratic but determined, stroking up his back, tangling in his hair and scratching his scalp. He shivers under sharp ends of his nails and then Jaebum tilts his head, even under the ministrations of Youngjae’s lips to his neck and his own mouth collides with his skin again just before his teeth sink into his flesh. Youngjae cries out as the blunt pain darts across his skin and into his depths, reminding him mercilessly of his own arousal and the unbearable heat between his legs.

He struggles free from Jaebum’s hold, from his smothering weight and it requires a lot of strength, though not physical. Jaebum doesn’t let him go happily, he whines and it’s almost cute, but Youngjae can’t bear it anymore. He tugs his legs out from under his hips and reaches for his waistband to finally free his aching erection. Though Jaebum, recovered from his mid-high reaches for his own pants too and shimmies out of them. Youngjae’s are already on the floor in one swift move before Jaebum’s tight jeans even reached his ankles. “Those stupid pants!” Youngjae growls and attempts to help, but it just ends up with Jaebum falling flat on the mattress, feet tangled in a mess of denim. “Ow.” He complains, but Youngjae just pulls it off him and throws the pile of fabric, unsexily bunched with the underpants inside off the bed and rolls his body on top of Jaebum’s gloriously naked body.

In the short term they were parted he forgot how hot Jaebum’s skin was and he’s again amazed and aroused by their contact. His cock bumps into Jaebum’s soft stomach and he moans involuntarily from the simple touch. He can’t fathom how hard he is, how much pleasure he feels when his nether regions haven’t even received any attention yet.

He leans down, just in order to kiss Jaebum again, but his naked chest with the thin sheen of sweat is so distracting, his lips end up against his collarbone, tasting the salty taste and sucking on the thin skin covering the harsh corner of the bone. His cock presses even harsher into the soft flesh of Jaebum’s tummy and against his bottom he can also feel Jaebum’s, his delightfully hard thick cock twitching against him. His arms come up to wrap around his torso, fingers knotting into his hair and their bodies rub up against one another, tight and hot and so mind-bogglingly arousing.

“Youngjae…” He hears the breath of his name, suppressed and he hums, but doesn’t detach until Jaebum’s arms grab him tighter and with a lot of surprising strength push him to the side, having him roll over and fall into the sheets again with a gasp. His skin crawls with pleasure over the change, he can’t put a finger on, but something made his cock jump. “There’s something I wanna do…” Jaebum mutters, hovering over him and leaning down, kissing his chin and jaw. Youngjae’s head falls back as on instinct, relishing and yet curious what else there might be.

“I’ve been wanting to… You’re so sexy, but you wouldn’t let me…” Jaebum is mumbling, barely coherent while he flicks his tongue against one of Youngjae’s nipples again, making him shudder but he doesn’t stay, wanders further down continuously until his prodding lips reach Youngjae’s hipbone. It’s like Youngjae knows what’s going to happen even though he can’t possibly. His muscles go taught in anticipation, he never thought about it, never did really, but the moment he feels Jaebum’s cursedly hot, wet lips against his throbbing dick it’s like he’s been waiting for it. He cannot, nor tries to stifle the moan that escapes him. His hips push up involuntarily and his legs spread open, wanting so bad to feel it. Jaebum’s hands are against his thighs, warm and reassuring and a naughty tongue traces along his length and it’s so good. No hand curled around his cock, no vibrator pushed up against his hardness could ever compare to the all-surrounding feeling of Jaebum’s mouth, his mouth, his real mouth that speaks and eats and sings enveloping his sensitive tip.

“Oh fuck!” Youngjae curses, because he wasn’t prepared for it, really wasn’t and it’s insane how it feels, how perfect and wonderful that words couldn’t begin to describe it and his unoccupied hands dig into the sheets to hold on to something at all while his muscles tense and loosen it their attempt to cope with the overwhelming sensations. Sex, Youngjae is reminded. There is so much to sex. So much more. It’s not just the tip. Jaebum’s dripping wet lips slide down the length of him and he can feel his tongue, squishy and yet prodding against the underside of it and he can hear a slurpy noise that, in any context but this would be gross, but isn’t. It’s sexy and naughty and when Youngjae’s legs thrash he notices how Jaebum is holding them, fingertips digging into the flesh of his thighs, holding them tight against his shoulders so that Youngjae can almost cross them behind Jaebum’s neck. He opts to plant his feet on the bed instead, leverage to bring his hips up, pushing because it’s so insanely good he wants more of it, wants to feel Jaebum’s sinful mouth all over him, all around him until he’s been swallowed in the whole.

He hears a nasty sound and then Jaebum’s mouth slips up again with a wet slurp his cock plops free and slaps up against his own stomach. Youngjae whines, tears his eyes open to took down. “Careful Youngjae-ah…” Jaebum’s voice is thick and raspy. “You can’t just push.” He says. “Let me lead, okay?” Youngjae isn’t sure what he’s saying, but he nods if that means Jaebum is going to continue. Thankfully Jaebum isn’t the type to let one hang, so a moment later his sweet sweet lips find their way back onto throbbing hard-on that is just begging to be caressed. 

It doesn’t compare to anything he could possibly replicate, so insanely warm and wet and _other_ . Jaebum knows what he’s doing, he thinks, the way he swallows his length down his constricting, tight throat, the way he sucks and his tongue slicks along his skin. He feels the lust burning deep in his guts, unexpectedly and intense. He feels the way it breaks out onto his skin to cover him under a dulling blanket of pleasure and clouds his mind. He can hear the noises, too and he loves them, relishes in their lewdness, the slurping and smacking. He can see the top of Jaebum’s hair wiggle up and down under his lashes, though he’s having a hard time to open his eyes and he can feel the connecting sensation of Jaebum’s lips rubbing themselves raw along the length of his hardness. He can feel a slight scrape of teeth that makes him shudder violently in the intense pleasure bordering on a pain that feels  _good_ .

“Jaebum-ah…” He breathes out unconsciously, because he feels it and yet doesn’t know how to put it into words. Because he’s not sure he knows the words, nor is he sure he needs to say them. The sucking sensation intensifies tenfold, Jaebum’s throat, not just his mouth or tongue, but his entire throat constricts around him and Youngjae can’t fathom how or when he got in there. Youngjae’s legs slam down on the mattress as they tense, the muscles drawing tight as much as his stomach, flexing under the shiver of lust, the tingling pleasure both originating and ending up between his legs. “Fuck!” He curses ungracefully when it claims him fully, orgasm pushing everything else aside and clawing its way through his system, all-encompassing and good. Good, good, good. He knows he’s moaning, but his ears are buzzing and he can’t hear himself, just shaking through the fog, blissfully drowned in it.

He doesn’t know how long it lasts, just knows that he feels like coming to after passing out, or just waking up where you can’t seem to really remember how it happened or what your first thought was or the first sensation you felt. But he knows that when he’s fully there, he can still feel Jaebum’s mouth around him, no longer sucking or rubbing, just sitting there, relaxed and wet and soft. He’s panting, feeling exhaustion simmer in his system in a sort of drowsy content. There’s one last slurp, sounding a lot more gross now and then there’s cool air against his soaked and very spent dick.

Butterfly kisses flutter against his stomach and soothing thumbs rubbing the skin of his thigh. “That…” Youngjae mutters sleepily. “Wow…” Jaebum’s face creeps into his view and he’s smiling, creased eyes sparkling happily. “Thank you.” He answers with a smirk. Youngjae blinks at him. He came, he thinks, he came with nothing up his butt for a change. “I haven’t…” He starts in an attempt to share that thought, but changes his mind and shakes his head. “Nevermind.” Jaebum’s head tilts. “Okay?” He says questioningly. “Sorry I didn’t fuck you though.” He lips draw into a tiny pout. “I know you wanted it, but…” “What do you mean?” Youngjae interrupts him. Jaebum’s knees are sitting between his thighs the way he leans up over him. He closes them around him like he wants to hold him there.

“I…” Jaebum smiles sheepishly. “I know you expected we do anal, but I really wanted to suck you and you enjoyed it, so…” “And we’re still going to!” Youngjae doesn’t care about the rest of the sentence. He hopes to put a commanding expression on his face. Jaebum’s mouth pops open. His mouth, Youngjae shudders, how is he ever going to watch Jaebum sing again without thinking about where that same beautiful mouth has been? “Jae-ah.” He cards his fingers through his bangs, his face is soft, but it makes Youngjae feel bad. He doesn’t want Jaebum to be that soft, because he’s going to say again that he’s not going to do it for him. Yet again. Yes, he came, but really, he just knows that if the day ends without him getting his butt stuffed, he’s going to ultimately be unsatisfied. And that’s not the point. It’s not the point of Jaebum being here. He can take his blowjob and fuck right off if he’s not going to do it for him. He’s not going to beg for it.

“You said _Yes of course_!” He complains grumpily. “And now you got your way and suddenly you don’t want to again, Hyung, I don’t understand you, you always want and then you don’t…” He gets cut off by a pair of lips tightly pressed to his own. They’re warm and incredibly soft and squishy, Youngjae thinks they may be swollen and it causes a shiver of arousal that doesn’t even get close to awakening his flaccid dick.

“Of course.” Jaebum murmurs against his mouth. “’you still want it… ‘f course.” Youngjae reaches out his left arm and points it straight towards his drawer. “Lube.” He says and watches in content how Jaebum wordlessly moves away to reach for it. It feels like a victory. “Leave it.” He keeps giving the orders and he honestly really enjoys it, just when Jaebum pops open the three-quarters empty bottle to coat two of his right hand fingers. “I can take you.” He demonstratively spreads his legs apart and Jaebum just stares to him, arms frozen in mid-air. Youngjae raises his eyebrows, makes a ‘Heh’ ‘Heh’ motions with his eyes. Jaebum’s face isn’t soft anymore, not in the way he always goes ‘Let’s not’ or ‘I won’t’. His eyes are dark, pupils blown out of proportion and his jaw is tense. “’kay…” He breathes, almost a hiss and squeezes more lube into his right hand. The almost-empty bottle flies off the bed with a flick of his wrist and he groans tortured when he coats himself, eyes squeezing closed.

Jaebum’s palm is slimy when he places it on his chest, using his other to guide himself between his cheeks. The anticipation that Youngjae held off as long as he wasn’t certain he was going to get it crashes in on him unexpectedly. He shudders involuntarily and adjusts his tense muscles on the warm sheets, damp from all the sweat he’s been shedding they feel rough against his skin. Jaebum’s sticky tip presses against his entrance and he moans softly before there is any pressure at all.

Finally.

Despite the long wait, despite the rough breaths he heaves, Jaebum goes excruciatingly slow. The blunt head of his dick breaches his hole, unforgiving but careful and dang, it hurts. Youngjae releases a shaky breath as his toes curl and his calves tense up. He slips them both up Jaebum’s body to wrap around his hips as good as possible, but he can’t control the heaving of his chest. He can feel vividly how his entrance stretches wide open to accommodate Jaebum’s still impressive girth and it does so reluctantly. Everything in his muscles is screaming to keep him out. He presses his lips together tightly and he hears Jaebum’s thick voice. “Y’Okay?” He can’t do more than nod with his eyes squeezed shut, all of his nerves focused on the feeling of being entered like that.

“You look like you’re hurting.” Jaebum grunts, the palm against his torso balling into a fist. “Does it hurt?” Youngjae groans. “Yes.” Jaebum’s hips snap back so quickly, his dick, merely halfway inside slipping out and Youngjae cries out in pain. “Fuck, Hyung!” He shouts and his hand flies up to grab him, finding a fistful of hair and squeezing tightly, pulling it in the process, making Jaebum growl. “Are you stupid?” He yelps and his eyes snap open. “Don’t pull out that fast, that fucking hurt!” Jaebum’s expression speaks of shock and potentially fear. “I’m sorry.” He whimpers. “Sorry, Oh my god, Youngjae, I… I panicked.” He breathes shakily.

Youngjae’s hand falls back, releasing the tousled strands. “Don’t do that again.” He hisses. The burn in his butt recedes slowly and he adjusts his cheeks on the mattress then he waves his fingers, but Jaebum doesn’t move. “Go.” Youngjae orders. “And don’t pull out like that, please.” He’s still. “But… I hurt you.” He stammers quietly. “And I’m not resentful.” Youngjae attempts more lightheartedly. “You…” Jaebum’s voice wavers. “… still want me to keep going?”

Youngjae sighs. “Hyung, if I wanted you to stop, do you not think I would ask you to?” That hit home. “You’re right.” Jaebum whispers. “I should trust you… Well, it’s not like I don’t. I do.” He whines. He’s whining. “It’s just that I… I don’t understand you.” That hits home, too. Youngjae always figures that he’s straightforward. Is he not? To be fair, they seem to have a lot of misunderstandings and it becomes clear that Jaebum notices it too. “And that’s strange, because I normally understand you so well you know, but it this context I just… And it’s kinda scary because I’m used to knowing you well and I just… Don’t understand you.”

“I must have it easier…” Youngjae admits very, very slowly. “Because I am not as much… concerned with your needs – I get that.” He adds hastily. “But… please believe me when I say I know my own.” “So…” Jaebum clears his throat. “It’s okay if it… hurts a little?” Youngjae nods. “I will say it.” He promises and then. “Does it scare you?” He asks and Jaebum’s palm comes to rest against his cheek, his thumb pulling his bottom lip free from his teeth that have been digging into it. His googling habits always had him think that liking a little bit of sexual pain was the least weird one of his likes and needs. “No.” Jaebum soothingly admits. “I don’t mind it.” His voice is so soft and low, it leaves warm trail through his body until it settles nicely fuzzy in his stomach. “You will tell me, whenever it’s too much?” He reassures again and Youngjae repeatedly nods.

Then Jaebum leans even further down, until their lips can meet in a sweet kiss, until their chests touch and while Jaebum kisses down the side of his neck, his cock presses against his hole again, breaching as uneasily as before and nudging Youngjae’s muscles into alert. Jaebum drags his hips forward and he doesn’t stop and he doesn’t go slow and he moans when he sinks inside him rashly and Youngjae moans too, because the stinging pain has his sensitive skin crawl with sensations.

“So wet.” Jaebum breathes into his hair, face burying in his neck and hot air caressing his shoulder. “And so tight.” His hips rock and Youngjae chokes on his spit. He’s clenching on instinct even though consciously he knows that makes it worse, he can’t help it. Having Jaebum inside him is still spectacular. It’s still so filling and arousing. Except he isn’t. His poor, spent cock his lying limp against his own skin and without the mind-clouding fog of arousal it’s more intense, he’s more aware and he feels it more vivid. His insides churn around him and Jaebum moans in response, hips rutting as he pushes deeper inside him, prodding and poking his inner walls and forcing them open, as open as he’s keeping his hole that wants to close so badly, that wants to be released and clench shut to soothe the burning pain.

“Not for long.” Jaebum growls, still by his ear. “When I’m done with you, you’re gonna be so loose.” Youngjae shudders. He did not expect that, but he likes the sound of it. The words, yes, and Jaebum’s dark voice that is so different when he’s inside him, when it’s deeper and wilder. “I’m gonna stretch you open so far and watch your hole fail to close shut again.” Jaebum’s teeth scrape against his neck and Youngjae shudders more violently than before, his own hips pushing back against the intrusion, sparks of pleasure everywhere and intertwined with the flicks of pain that make him want to draw out of reach as much as he wants to lean into it. “Would you like that?” Jaebum asks, but he doesn’t seem to expect an answer, because Youngjae gives him none, too preoccupied with the waves of arousal that chase each other down the whole length of his body, all the way to his toes. And Jaebum rocks his hips, so that his hard length rubs his sore entrance raw, despite the copious amounts of lube, despite the slick slide, the sheer amount of pressure of Youngjae’s tensing muscle and Jaebum’s relentless girth eliciting all kinds of sensations from the drag along his tender skin.

“You take me so well.” Jaebum mourns, praising him and it sounds so dirty. “Always take me well, despite no preps. Don’t even need fingers first…” He trails off into a moan when Youngjae tightens around him in a wave of pleasure. He hears himself whimper. “You’re made for me.” It’s a statement that sounds strange and right at the same time. “Don’t even know how good it is right.” Jaebum starts thrusting for real, lifting his face from the position against his neck and their eyes meet where he looms over him, big and all-encompassing. Youngjae moans, he wouldn’t have any words even if he knew what to answer. He doesn’t need to. “Never had another dick. Don’t know how great mine is. How big.” A sharp thrust has them both moan in unison, Jaebum’s face is torn in pleasure and his eyes are hooded like he’s losing himself. Youngjae’s body is on fire.

“And yet you take it so well.” He repeats frantically. “Making room for it so easily. Like it belongs there.” His harsh thrusts feel like they’re crushing Youngjae’s insides and as much as it hurts, as much he feels his cock twitch and the licks of pleasure originating deep inside him where Jaebum hits just the right spots. “Should be in there all the time.” Jaebum’s arms are shaking where he’s holding his torso up in the air to look at him and Youngjae notices that his own are angled up and he’s holding on to his wrists in a death grip. He doesn’t know when it happened, he honestly can’t even remember when they started, how they came here. He can’t focus, the blunt pressure in his lower regions is too much. His fresh, untouched prostate reels in the stimulation, eager for every drag and every hit. His entrance is so used to the stretch by now, he’s certain Jaebum is right and it’ll never close again, like he has always held it open and always will.

“Fuck Youngjae…” Jaebum seems to be losing track for a short while, uncoordinated thrusts that crush his walls violently and have Youngjae’s vision blur as he spills desperate cries. “You love having your hole stuffed so much…” He’s groaning deeply. “Love being filled up to the brim.” It’s not pronounced like a question but his has Youngjae nod nonetheless, with his mouth hanging open and his ears ringing. “Feel full?” Nod. “Should fill you up more.” His body snaps with a loud slap of skin on skin as his hipbones collide with Youngjae’s butt and there he stays, deeply lodged inside him and grinds his hips, carving out Youngjae’s insides just to paint them white. He’s moaning wildly as Jaebum’s pulsing cock fills him up with hot sperm so deep inside him, he feels like he should be able to spit it out.

Jaebum’s face goes slack and so do his arms and he collapses onto him with a heavy fall and on top of that he’s shaking, crushing him under his weight and whimpering softly while his buried dick twitches weakly. It takes a while for him to come to again, longer than for Youngjae whose muscles and flesh start protesting all the different ministration, but he endures it, wrapping his arms around Jaebum’s back and listening to his shaky breathing and waiting for the shivers to stop.

Youngjae might have to add ‘dirty talk’ to his list of ever growing kinks, but he also thinks he might have to start one for Jaebum, too. “Youngjae…” He hears his thin voice complain but nothing follows after that. It’s an eternity until Jaebum shifts again, finally and very carefully pulling his cock free from Youngjae’s depth, who grumbles nonetheless over the uncomfortable feeling as his slack hole gives and is finally freed from the pressure. It’s throbbing painfully and he knows he needs to take a butt-stuff break for at least three days. Jaebum doesn’t roll off him completely. He stays on top of him with most of his limbs, just sinks his hips sideways onto the mattress to hold even a part of his weight on his own. “Do you need to come again?” He hears him ask somewhere near his ear and slightly shakes his head. He really doesn’t need to. He knows he’s sported at least a semi throughout, but it’s long gone and he’s way too satisfied to get anything started again. “No.” He adds quietly, just in case Jaebum’s face is somewhere where he couldn’t see the shake. His quiet hum sounds nice and lazy.

He is heavy, but somehow Youngjae doesn’t mind. There’s something comforting in the warm body covering his own, like a soft blanket. He can feel his fluttering breath against his heated skin. “That was… pretty great.” He hears him mutter. Youngjae frowns. “Was that sarcastic?” He asks a tad anxious and a tad more irritated. “Nooo, no. I mean it.” Jaebum’s face rubs against his naked shoulder. “It was fantastic.” Youngjae scrunches his nose. “Okay. Yeah…” There’s a beat of silence, something uncomfortable. For as long as he was occupied he could push it away, but now that he’s lying there, Jaebum relaxing against his naked body, it creeps up to him, slowly and inevitable. The timing might be wrong, but then again, Youngjae is certain there’s an explanation.

“So. You have definitely done that before.” He says slowly. He feels Jaebum’s sleepy nod. “Hmmh yeah ‘fcourse.” He mumbles and seems to be snuggling closer. Is he trying to cuddle? “You didn’t mention that before.” Youngjae insists, trying to chase away the furry feeling in his guts. There’s an explanation. “Did.” Jaebum eventually lifts his head just a notch and looks at him. “Told you I did.” Then. “What’s the matter?” There’s a slight frown on his soft face, the kind that makes it look sharper. “No, I don’t mean that.” Youngjae explains. “Not the… sex stuff. Sure, but you can do that with a girl, even in the butt. I mean the -uh blowjob. That…” Jaebum blinks a few times. “I mean, you did it with a guy before.” Parted lips, curious eyes and a shy nod. “Yes?” He answers. “Yes I did.”

There’s an explanation. “You didn’t tell me.” He tries hard not to sound accusing, but he’s not sure he’s successful. The frown on Jaebum’s face deepens. “Never said I didn’t though. Why?” “Why?” Youngjae repeats. He can’t stand it anymore. He pushes Jaebum to the side and sits up. His bottom complains and he’s probably leaking cum, but there’s a certain focus that has him ignore it.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jaebum gawks at him. “What do you mean?” He sits up, too. Youngjae stares at him. “Why didn’t I tell you what? About my sex life?” Youngjae folds his arms over his chest, he feels naked. “Aren’t we friends?” Youngjae says. “You should have told me.” “I mean… when… have we ever talked about our sex life…?” Jaebum shrugs helplessly, but his eyes are narrowed defensively. “I don’t mean who you have sex with.” Youngjae bites. “I mean that you like guys.”

Jaebum stares at him. “I…” He says, but nothing follows after that. Youngjae’s insides ache. “Do you like guys?” He pushes. “You do like guys!” Jaebum nods with wide eyes. “Yes, I do, obviously I… I didn’t think to tell you about that I mean…” “Did you not think that I deserved to know?” Youngjae interrupts him impatiently. “Deserve?” Jaebum’s confused frown deepens into defensiveness. “Nobody  _deserves_ to know anything about my sex-life  _or_ my sexuality.” The cold in Youngjae’s middle reaches his heart and he thinks it cracks. “Nobody.” He repeats but feels like he can’t even hear himself speak through the fog in his head. “Am I nobody? Am I? Am I not your friend?” “Of course you are.” Jaebum’s soft voice travels through his veins, but when he reaches out his arm to touch him, Youngjae flinches back, slides off the bed as he avoids it.

“Then why didn’t you tell me.” Jaebum’s hand hangs frozen in mid-air. „ _I_ told you!” The words hang too. Youngjae’s core is cold, but his face is hot. He wants an explanation. “In… Secret.” Jaebum breathes quietly after what feels like an eternity. “You… didn’t really tell me, we never…. Really talked about it… I… never imagined you being upset about.” “But you knew!!” Youngjae insists and he knows that his voice is wavering. He suddenly feels like crying. “I told you, because I trusted you. You didn’t. You knew. And I didn’t.” He takes a shaky breath. “Do you even know how this feels?! How hard it is?!” He doesn’t actually spill any tears, but the lump in his throat is real and it’s heavy. “As an Idol?”

Jaebum finally gets up from the bed until they’re eye to eye, but he doesn’t walk closer. “Yes. I know, Youngjae-ah…” He attempts soothingly. “I know it’s hard, I’m going through these things too, but…” “BUT YOU WEREN’T ALONE!” Youngjae shouts and stomps his foot because the heat of anger had the ice in his heart melt and now he’s boiling. There is no explanation. Jaebum  _has_ no explanation. There is no ignoring the disappointment. He simply doesn’t care.

He flinched back when Youngjae yelled at him and now stares at him with wide eyes. “You’re not alone either Youngjae.” His attempt to be soothing agitates him even more. Because he’s so blind. “BUT I WAS!” He pushes out. “I thought I was alone. I thought it was just me and no one else. I always had to be alone with it, because you didn’t  _think_ to let me know. Do you know how  _that_ feels?!” Silence. “Thinking I was the only one? Ever? Who…?” He breaks off, rubbing his face. “To be all alone with  _that_ …?”

Only when he peaks through between his fingers he can see Jaebum dumbstruck shaking his head with his mouth open and his posture tense. “I’m sorry Jae-ah…” He whispers. “I just never thought… I didn’t know you needed someone to… Now that we’re open, I can, I will, if you need anything…” “Now that we’re open.” Youngjae repeats with a hiss that he didn’t intend. “Because I… came onto you…” The realization hits him harder than expected. Another push, another nudge towards the deep. “You… wouldn’t even have told me now.” He takes another step back upon the realization, just insistent to bring more distance between them. If Jaebum left him alone with all of his anxiety, he should leave him alone now.

“Get out.” He orders suddenly, though his voice is shaking. Jaebum doesn’t move. “If I hadn’t _asked_ you, specifically. You would have never said a _word,_ would you? You only let me know as much as I absolutely _had_ to. Only ever if I ask-Get out!” He yells when Jaebum steps forward, closes in on him and Youngjae feels panicky, like an animal trapped and he just wants him to back away. He points to the door. “Out.” He repeats. Slowly, hesitatingly, Jaebum bends down to pick up some of his clothes. He stares at him, but doesn’t say a word when he retreats, clutching a pile of fabric in his arms. When the bedroom door falls shut, Youngjae’s legs give out and he sinks to the floor from more than physical exhaustion, a dry sob of exhaustion breaking his throat.

He doesn’t cry. When finally he hears the bang of the front door, he lets himself go… And nothing happens. He just sits there, naked on his bedroom floor breathing quietly. Until he’s shivering from cold, then he steps into the bathroom and has the hottest of showers, washing the sweat and filth and pain down the drain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked for it ♥


End file.
